Friday, August 31, 2007

Wrestlers will take a seat

World Wrestling Entertainment has suspended 10 performers for violations of a policy that requires drug tests, the company said Thursday. Under the wellness policy, which requires tests for steroids and other drugs, a wrestler faces a 30-day suspension for a first violation, a 60-day suspension for a second violation and firing for a third violation.

CNNSI has provided a list of the wrestlers, dead or alive, who have been caught in this scandal. They include Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, Chavo Guerrero, Shane Helms, a/k/a The Hurricane to name a few. The complete list can be found here with descriptions of their use.

I'm no medical doctor, although I do give out free female chest exams, but it doesn't take an M.D. to come to the conclusion that wrestlers are juiced. This diagnosis is about as easy as scoring a date with Miss Elizabeth. Sure, she smells a bit musty these days, but anal is anal yo.

Marinovich was also doped

Former 1st round pick of the Raiders, Todd Marinovich has been arrested for possession of a controlled substance, which is a felony, as well as unauthorized possession of a hypodermic needle and resisting a police officer, both misdemeanors. Police said Marinovich, 38, ran from officers who tried to stop him about 1:15 a.m. Sunday for skateboarding near the Newport Pier boardwalk, where skateboarding is prohibited. He was found hiding in a carport about 1:30 a.m.

He pleaded not guilty to all three charges during a court appearance today. As of this afternoon, he was being held in lieu of $50,000 bail at Orange County Jail. Orange County court records show Marinovich has pleaded guilty or no contest to drug violations or resisting a police officer on at least four occasions since 1997.

Drug charges aside, how gay is it for a 38 year old guy not named Tony Hawk to be skateboarding, let alone in the middle of the night? Considering he ran from the cops and didn't skate away he should have spent more time on the half pipe and less on the crack pipe.

Admit it

You were offended by the headline from the World Athletic Championships:

Gay lands historic sprint double

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Vick to keep his millions

The Atlanta Falcons formally sent a demand letter to Michael Vick, asking to recover $20 million of the $37 million in total bonuses paid to Vick under terms of the 10-year extension that he signed in 2004. However, most experts agree that the Falcons probably will only score a fraction of what they are seeking, perhaps as little as $3.5 million.

20Mil, 3Mil. What’s the difference really? The Falcons should consider themselves lucky he’s no longer around. At least the team can walk around barefoot in the locker room again without fear of catching herpes.

Beckham's hurt a lot

England's David Beckham will undergo a scan after he suffered a knee injury playing for the L.A. Galaxy on Wednesday, casting doubt on his fitness ahead of next month's Euro 2008 qualifiers. Beckham was substituted in the 33rd minute of the SuperLiga final against Mexican team Pachuca after a challenge with Fernando Salazar. A Galaxy spokesman said Beckham had suffered a sprain to his right knee while the midfielder indicated the injury could be more serious.

"It doesn't feel good. With a ligament strain it is four-to-six weeks. We will have to wait and see," he said before refusing to rule himself out of the Galaxy's match away against Real Salt Lake on Saturday. "I'm going to have a scan, at the end of the day, if the scan comes back tomorrow and it is not as bad as it was then you know maybe I've got a chance to play [on Saturday]."

With MLS fans paying big money for Beckham games, him being hurt for most of his North American soccer career is a huge disappointment. Much like a night with me. Only without the premature ejactulation.

NFL sells out

In a sign the apocalypse is upon us, Ryan Seacrest will be the "Entertainment host" of next February's Super Bowl XLII, Fox Sports announced. "The Super Bowl has grown to become a landmark holiday on the American calendar, attracting not only the sports world, but the biggest stars in music and entertainment," said Fox Sports Television Group chairman David Hill. "Naturally, we’d like our broadcast to reflect that growth, so we’ve expanded our pregame lineup beyond the realm of sports." Fox Sports said Seacrest will interview celebrity attendees and introduce pregame show acts.

I sure as hell hope that Fox Sports doesn't try and play matchmaker by announcing Kordell Stewart as his co-host. Cause really, the only time it's acceptable for two men to grab each other's asses on Sunday is after a TD is scored. And even then, it had better be one hell of a catch.

Elisha done with douchebag

According to sources close to the pair, actress Elisha Cuthbert and NY Ranger forward Sean Avery have called it quits after almost two years together. A friend close to the ex couple says it was Elisha who pulled the plug on the relationship. Although Avery didn't appear to be broken-hearted about the breakup when he was spotted hitting on Elisha’s good friend Paris Hilton in Malibu on Aug. 26. A partygoer tells OK!, “When you asked Sean where Elisha was he shrugged his shoulders and said they had broken up.” But for all his attempts at wooing the recent jailbird, Sean was not able to convince Paris to leave with him, saying she wouldn’t do that to Elisha and walked away.

With Elisha finally coming to her senses, it shows there is a God! The only thing left to make this a truly happy ending, is to see Tie Domi come out of retirement long enough to give that biggot Avery the Ulf Samuelsson treatment.

Henry looking for double digits

Denver Bronco's running back Travis Henry has been ordered by a judge to pay child support for children he has fathered. Henry, 28, has fathered nine children by nine women in at least four Southern states. Henry isn't the most thrifty guy, according to court records, so the judge wants to ensure payment by establishing an unusual $250,000 trust that Henry must fund by next spring.

His Lawyer said Henry wants to be a good parent. "I know these are a lot of kids, and there might be some questions about it," he said, "but he's a really committed father."

Looks like Shawn Kemp's in danger of losing his record, so he had better start looking at a comeback. With Reggie Miller turning down the Celtics offer to return, the door is wide open for Kemp. Although unlike Miller who can offer Boston legitimate 3 outside shooting, all Kemp could offer is 3 more illegitimate bastards.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Couch was juiced

Former No. 1 NFL draft pick Tim Couch had doping regimens that called for anabolic steroids and human growth hormone, according to documents obtained by Yahoo. Yahoo reported Tuesday it had obtained documents from an anonymous source with Couch's name printed across the top that called for extensive use of drugs banned by the league. The Web site identified the source as a former associate of Brian Yusem, a nutritionist in Boca Raton, Fla., who Yahoo said has worked with Couch since January 2006. The documents detail three regimens -- 72-day, 80-day and 55-day programs -- dated Jan. 26, 2006, Sept. 18, 2006 and Nov. 27, 2006. Although Yusem said nothing illegal took place, the source told Yahoo that he saw Couch pick up steroids and HGH, as well as get injected with steroids in Yusem's office.

Couch told Yahoo that he used HGH for about a week, under a doctor's care, in hopes it would help him recover from shoulder surgery. He denied using steroids or any other banned drugs and said he had never seen the documents. Couch was cut by the Jacksonville Jaguars earlier this month in a last effort to resurrect his career.

Seeing a top pick burn out goes to show these performance enhancers are not miracle drugs. Ryan Leaf had better hope that there are no documents with his name floating around. Otherwise they'd have to put an asterisk next to his 50.0 career QB rating.

Straw Jr. hits pay dirt

The Phoenix Suns signed Darryl Strawberry’s kid D.J., their second-round draft pick, to a two-year contract that guarantees him a roster spot this season. Strawberry, the 59th overall selection in the June draft, will receive the rookie minimum salary of $427,163 for the 2007-08 season. The second year of the contract is a team option.

"D.J. brings toughness, defense and athleticism to our team and we're excited that he's a part of our organization," Suns general manager Steve Kerr said.

This is like some kind of game show. What will D.J. do with his half a million dollars? Will he cover his old man’s tax bill and keep him out of jail? Or will he choose to blow the wad on a Porsche, some strippers, and an eightball? Regardless of what he does, with genetics being what they are, they’ll be in jail together before D.J.s NBA career is over. And by career I mean training camp.

Alston in all sorts of trouble

Houston Rockets point guard Rafer Alston was released without bail on Tuesday after being charged with stabbing a man at a Manhattan nightspot – his second brush with the law this month. New York police arrested Alston Sunday night on felony assault charges after responding to a brawl at a nightclub. A criminal complaint alleges that amid the ruckus, he slashed another clubgoer in the neck. The arrest came three weeks after Alston was charged with misdemeanour assault on a parking lot attendant and public intoxication in Houston.

I give Alston credit for bringing it old school though. But to beat this rap, Rafer should just tell the judge he mistook the guy in the club for T-Mac, and the court would sentence him to finish the job in training camp.

Briggs disposes of cars like trash

A damaged black Lamborghini registered to Chicago Bears linebacker Lance Briggs was found abandoned early Monday alongside an expressway on the city's North Side. Illinois State Police officials said the 2007 Roadster, which had crashed into a light pole, was discovered around 3:15 a.m. Briggs said he panicked after crashing his new Lamborghini along a highway early Monday morning and initially reported his car stolen after deserting the mangled vehicle. He was charged with leaving the scene of an accident, a misdemeanor, and was given traffic citations for failure to give immediate notice of an accident and improper lane usage, when he met with police on Monday afternoon. He was released after posting $100 bond and is scheduled to appear Oct. 4 in a Cook County court.

What's the all commotion about? Who hasn't smashed their joy-ride into a pole and abandoned it at the side of a highway after a drunken night out? What was I talking about again? Yeah, my date last Saturday night.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Vick sorry for getting caught

Michael Vick issued a “heartfelt” apology to the league and fans after pleading guilty to dogfighting charges yesterday.

"I'm totally responsible, and those things just didn't have to happen. I feel like we all make mistakes. It's just I made a mistake in using bad judgment and making bad decisions. And you know, those things, you know, just can't happen. Dogfighting is a terrible thing, and I did reject it. I'm upset with myself, and, you know, through this situation I found Jesus.”

Too bad Jesus was the Mexican he hired to bury his dogs. Is there anything more cliché than playing the God card after being caught red handed? It won’t make a lick of difference though. The Almighty stopped paying attention to pro athletes seeking redemption after Mike Tyson kept letting him down.

Griffin hit by freight train (literally)

When you are on vacation, you miss some stories. But in case you didn't hear, troubled NBA player Eddie Griffin, who was cut my Minnesota last March, was killed Aug. 17 when he drove his sport utility vehicle around a flashing gate at a railroad crossing and crashed into a passing freight train. The SUV burst into flames and Griffin's body was burned beyond recognition. Authorities finally identified Griffin through dental records.

Griffin had a history of abusing his baby's momma as well as abusing the bottle. Toxicology reports are still pending, but those who know Griffin are assuming the worst -- that he went on one final drinking binge before the fatal drive.

It's easy to not notice a hurtling freight train when your passenger is "Debbie does Dallas." And your pants are around your ankles tangled up in the gas pedals.

These ghetto kids make this blog so easy to write sometimes.

Jeter is a whore

In news earlier this month, it was reported that New York Yankee's SS Derek Jeter could have given Jessica Alba herpes. Alba used to date the man slut a while back. L.A. Rag who claims to have a source that said she had to refill a Valtrex prescription for Jessica on a regular basis. Jeter’s other famous sexual conquests include Mariah Carey, Vanessa Minnillo and most recently Jessica Biel.

Jeter's a classy guy. So I'm sure he was originally tested under the pseudonym Buster Iraq to spare his ladies the embarrassment. But you almost have to feel sorry for the guy. It isn't like he's been doing hoodrats like Ron Mexico. Although, if he is positive it would finally clear the way for him to be traded to Alyssa Milano's Dodgers.

Yet another NFL arrest

Tampa Bay Buccaneers receiver David Boston was arrested and charged with driving under the influence after police found him passed out behind the wheel of his SUV. The 29-year-old was found slumped over the steering wheel of his SUV while it was running and in drive. Initial breath tests did not indicate alcohol but other test results are still pending, police said.

When this many NFL players get arrested, it gets tough to keep finding things to say. Like when John Daly comes home to his wife tanked every Thursday night with lipstick on his collar.

Wells' career still alive (more than we can say for his pancreas)

Throwing Smoke favourite David Wells is back in in the bigs, this time with the LA Dodgers. Wells agreed to a contract Thursday and won his Dodgers debut Sunday night; pitching five innings of seven-hit baseball and allowing two runs to beat the Mets 6-2. The 44-year-old Wells was designated for assignment by his hometown San Diego Padres on Aug. 9 and placed on release waivers four days later. The Dodgers will be his ninth team in a 21-year major league career.

Considering this is the franchise that introduced the all you can eat section in the bleachers, they better not plan on using Wells in the bullpen if he fails as a starter.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Vick set to enter plea

A large crowd has already started to gather outside of the courthouse where Michael Vick will plead guilty to dog fighting charges later today. Even though a sentence has yet to be handed down, the league and the Falcon’s have wasted no time in dishing out some preemptive justice.

Hours after he signed a plea deal with prosecutors last Friday, the NFL announced the indefinite suspension of Vick. NFL disciplinarian, and part-time commissioner, Ralph Goodell said this to Vick in a letter:

“Your admitted conduct was not only illegal, but also cruel and reprehensible" and regardless whether he personally placed bets, "your actions in funding the betting and your association with illegal gambling both violate the terms of your NFL player contract and expose you to corrupting influences in derogation of one of the most fundamental responsibilities of an NFL player."

Goodell also freed the Falcons to "assert any claims or remedies" to recover $22 million of Vick's signing bonus from the 10-year, $130 million contract he signed in 2004. And sources are claiming that the Falcon’s are preparing to do just that.

All the high-priced lawyers in the world can’t get you off if there are rats willing to testify against you. But fork over the $22 million to Ray Lewis and the problem goes away.

NFL players are great role models for students

There was a rash of NCAA football player arrests recently:

Two West Virginia University football players were arrested last week and charged with transferring and receiving stolen property. James Thomas, 18, of Fort Lauderdale, Fla., and Ellis Lankster, 21, of Whistler, Ala., were competing for starting spots and practicing with third-ranked West Virginia's first team.

While Freshman Notre Dame quarterback Jimmy Clausen has entered a pretrial diversion program after receiving a misdemeanor citation for transporting alcohol as a minor. Police said Claussen's buddie, the 23-year-old recent ND graduate entered the store and bought two 1.75-liter bottles of vodka, a 200-milliliter bottle of whiskey, and case containing 30 cans of beer. Clausen remained outside the store with another Notre Dame freshman, who was not cited.

South Carolina safety Emanuel Cook was charged with unlawful possession of a pistol. Cook and a buddy were arrested by university police Thursday night at a parking lot near campus dormitories.

Finally, Arkansas defensive end Marcus Harrison was suspended indefinitely after being arrested late Friday night on a felony drug charge and several misdemeanors. A Fayetteville police report says the officer on duty reported a strong smell of marijuana coming from Harrison's car when he rolled his window down and found a small plastic bag containing one blue Ecstasy pill in his possession.

Although getting a rap sheet before your NFL draft day was the 'in thing' a few years ago, in today's game, it is career suicide. Goodell's uptopia league is filled with choir boys and Uncle Toms; so any arrest, no matter how minor will have you on his shit list. This is the same type of list Marge Schott made back in the 80's. Only these players aren't yet worth $1,000,000.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Throwing Smoke Flashback - Manager ejections

With Bobby Cox's record breaking ejection recently, we pay tribute to him with a few of our favourite blow-ups, by some wanna-be MLB managers. They may have been minor league games, but these are major league arguments!

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Poet's Corner - Tanka

Maroon 5 douchebag

Says he did Sharapova

Was like a dead frog

She's a loud grunter on tour

Dude must have a tiny dick.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Vick files plea papers

Michael Vick filed his plea agreement in federal court Friday admitting to conspiracy in a dogfighting ring and helping kill pit bulls. He signed the plea agreement Thursday. In the agreement, Vick agreed to plead guilty to the first count of the original two-count indictment against him -- that he was part of a conspiracy to operate a dogfighting ring across state lines. The charge carries a potential sentence of up to 5 years in prison, a fine of up to $250,000 and up to three years' probation.

A summary of the plea includes:

- Most of the Bad Newz Kennels operation and gambling monies were provided by Vick

- When the kennel's dogs won, the gambling proceeds were generally shared by Vick's three co-defendants -- Tony Taylor, Purnell Peace and Quanis Phillips.

- Vick did not gamble by placing side bets on any of the fights. Vick did not receive any of the proceeds of the purses that were won by Bad Newz Kennels

- Vick also was involved with the others in killing six to eight dogs that did not perform well in testing sessions last April. The dogs were executed by drowning or hanging.

- Vick agrees and stipulates that these dogs all died as a result of the collective efforts" of Vick and two of the co-defendants, Phillips and Peace.

Both sides agreed that due to the distrubing facts of the case that prosecutors would go above the federal sentencing guidelines for the charge, but would recommend a sentence at the low end of the scale following that adjustment -- a range of a year to 18 months. However, the judge is not bound by any recommendation or by the sentencing guidelines.

In the plea agreement, Vick agreed to enter the plea "because the defendant is in fact guilty of the charged offense" and cooperate with the government's investigation. He also knowingly agreed to waive his right to an appeal in exchange for concessions made by prosecutors.

Basically, the details were anti-climactic as anything mentiond in the plea we already knew one way or another. This is like being a poor kid on Christmas and praying for Santa to leave you an X-Box, only to find your gift contains the usual cockroaches and second-hand underwear. Look at the bright side, at least it saves you from having to go through that complicated Microsoft recall.

We now only await Michael Vick's sentancing and Roger Goodell's punishment. Stay tuned.

Brady's a dad

Patriots quarterback Tom Brady became a father this week when his ex-girlfriend, actress Bridget Moynahan, gave birth to a baby boy in Los Angeles. Brady did not show up for practice yesterday, and team officials wouldn't say why. But we're told No. 12 caught a ride on the Kraft family's private jet, leaving for LA in the morning from Hanscom Field. "Entertainment Tonight" reported last night that Brady, who told reporters this week he hoped to be present for the birth, had been spotted at a hospital in Santa Monica with flowers in hand. Brady, whose relationship with Moynahan ended late last year, flew to the West Coast early yesterday, but it's unclear if he arrived in time for the birth.

With Brady doing hot sluts like we drink water, this won't be the only time he is a father. Moynahan's birth aside, if the Patriot's loss in last year's AFC title game against the Colts taught us anything, it is Brady and domes do not mix.

Rangers love to score

The Texas Rangers rounded the bases 30 times to became the first team in 110 years to score 30 runs in a game, setting an American League record Wednesday in a 30-3 rout of the Baltimore Orioles. Baltimore had openned up an early 3-0 lead, and where then faced with 30 unanswered from the Rangers bats. The 30 runs scored are the fourth most in major league history. The Chicago Colts (now the Cubs) defeated the Louisville Royals, 36-7, in 1897. The Rangers became only the second team in 50 years to have four players total four or more RBIs in the same game.

You have to wonder of Rick Dempsey loved all of the abuse his Orioles took? I am not saying the orange-birds got killed, but we have seen more life out of seagulls after a date with Dave Winfield.

Ana Paula Oliveira Pics

As mentioned in our post last month, Brazillian soccer hottie Ana Paula Oliveira was going to be featured in Playboy. Here are the pix you have been waiting for! I'm not sure what all the controversy is about considering this is the country where naked women at their Carnival is the norm. In dedication to Ana, when you pleasure yourself to her pix in the bathroom stall at work, make sure to yell out "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL' as you finish.

Weekly Poll Results

When our readers were asked what they would do if they were in Michael Vick's posse, there was an overwhelming response of:

70% would rat him out as fast as his current posse did,
23% are ready to board the first flight to Canada,
While only 7% would go down together as brothers.
None of our readers would take the fall for him.

Thanks to all of you who voted and please vote in our new poll about David Beckham's impact on soccer in North America.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Earnhardt to have new number

Dale Earnhardt Jr. blames his step-mother Teresa Earnhardt, the owner of Dale Earnhardt Inc., for not allowing the No. 8 to move with him to Hendrick Motorsports next season. Earnhardt Jr. said negotiations broke down when Teresa asked for part of the licensing revenue, along with wanting the number back after he retired. "She either feels too personal about the number, or the rift between me and her is too personal," Earnhardt Jr. said Saturday. "I'm not going to sit here and get personal about this. It's upsetting as hell and unfortunate, but that's just what happens sometimes."

Well it shows all along who the puppet master has been in the Earnhardt clan. Although if she was actually any good at pulling the strings she would have reacted quicker during the final lap at Daytona.

Beckham helps the Galaxy still suck

David Beckham made his first Major League Soccer start, drawing a crowd of 66,237 and helped set up three goals as Los Angeles lost a 5-4 to New York on Saturday night. Beckham played his first full game since joining the Galaxy last month and did it on artificial turf, no less. An injured left ankle had caused the 32-year-old midfielder to miss five games and come in as a late sub in two others.

Giants Stadium is nearly empty for most Red Bulls' games _ the team's average of 11,573 for its first 10 home matches was next to last in the league. The crowd that came out for Beckham was the largest in franchise history and the largest there for a U.S. league game since the Cosmos drew 70,312 against Fort Lauderdale on June 22, 1980. "It makes you feel great. It makes you feel honored," Beckham said. "And hopefully, it continues, because this is what this league needs, this is what this sport needs in America."

What this league really needs is a defibrillator. They might as well not even bother playing the games. And replace them with a Beckham skills exhibition and a Spice Girls concert. And even then I'd only start paying attention if they left Scary Spice at home.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Strawberry faces new fight

With all the Vick and Pacman hoopla it’s easy to forget about what’s going on in Darryl Strawberry’s world. But here at The Smoke we NEVER forget about Straw. Last week the US government filed a lawsuit against Strawberry, seeking to collect nearly a half-million dollars in unpaid taxes.

The suit follows his 1995 conviction on federal tax evasion charges, for which he was sentenced to six months home confinement and ordered to repay $350,000 in taxes. However, Straw never got around to actually repaying the taxes that he went to jail for evading in the first place, so the government is taking him to court again. In all, with penalties and interest, the government said Strawberry owes them $481,656.

Before anyone did anything, Strawberry did everything. Where the hell is Straw going to come up with half a million dollars? He’s having a hard enough time as it is making the monthly payments on his cardboard box.

Vick charged... again?

If facing federal charges relating to an alleged dogfighting operation weren't enough, the Falcons (soon to be former) quarterback was cited for not wearing a seat belt during a traffic stop last week.

Police said than an SUV driven by an acquaintance of Vick was stopped because the tint on the windows was too dark. Vick, who was a front seat passenger in the Acura, was given a citation for not wearing a seat belt. Vick's violation carries a fine of $50, but does not require a court appearance.

I'm pretty sure this reckless action is a violation of his playing contract. But considering his good behaviour of late, the Falcons will probably let this one slide. The next time I see Vick and his buddy's SUV on the news it had better be live video of Al Cowlings and Ron Mexico making a run for the border.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Vick's dogs to die legally

The federal government is preparing to kill most of the dogs seized from Michael Vick's Surry County property during its investigation into a dog fighting operation. The fate of the 53 pit bulls will rest with a federal judge. Animal rights groups have suggested that the dogs be euthanized because they have been trained to be fighters, not pets. The U.S. attorney's office published notices last month giving anyone until Thursday to claim ownership of one or more of the dogs. If no one steps forward to claim ownership, the case will move to a federal judge who has two options: sell the dogs or dispose of them "by other humane means (i.e. killing the dogs).

If the Feds wanted to kill the dogs, they should have at least waited for a few months to let Vick finish what he started. Not only would it have saved the public purse the euthanasia costs, but it would have resulted in a longer jail sentence for Vick. And who can argue with that?

No class Italian footballer speaks

Italy defender Marco Materazzi finally disclosed what he said to Zinedine Zidane in the World Cup final that provoked the French star to retaliate with a head-butt. "I prefer the whore that is your sister," Materazzi wrote in his yet-to-be-released autobiography, according to Italian news reports Saturday. Materazzi, who received a two-game ban for incitement, has since apologized to Zidane. France coach Raymond Domenech this month lauded Materazzi's strategy for getting Zidane out of the game.

I can't imagine someone getting this angry over an insult that isn't worthy of a 10 year old boy. It isn't like he said that his sister wears Army boots. With 8 inch pistols firing near by. In her mouth.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Vick to plead guilty

Michael Vick's lawyer said Monday the NFL star will plead guilty to federal dogfighting conspiracy charges, putting the Atlanta Falcons quarterback's career in jeopardy and leaving him subject to a prison term. This charge is punishable by up to five years in prison and a $250,000 fine. Prosecutors have yet to formally agree to the plea, a source told ESPN's Kelly Naqi.

"After consulting with his family over the weekend, Michael Vick asked that I announce today that he has reached an agreement with federal prosecutors regarding the charges pending against him," lead defense attorney Billy Martin said in a statement. "Michael is prepared to take full responsibility for allowing any and all of this to happen. He needs to put all of this behind him. He's 27 years old and he has a full life ahead of him. He wants to get back to the life he had before these issues."

Vick's plea hearing will be Aug. 27, Martin said.

The only answers remaining are how long Vick will be behind bars and if his plea includes any more details of his involvement. When the Ron Mexico STD story broke a few years ago, who would have thought it would be a blessing in disguise. There is no better sodomy deterrent than the threat of having your dick turned into cottage cheese.

Shooting at NBA player's house

A man was shot at the Orlando home of DeShawn Stevenson, a guard with the Washington Wizards and former player with the Orlando Magic. Investigators said they were called after someone reported shots fired at the home. Stevenson was at the home during the shooting, along with Brandon Hunter, a forward with the Cleveland Cavaliers and a few friends.

They told authorities the group was at the Destiny Club in Orlando and met several women and invited them to Stevenson's home. When they arrived, officials said a man inside a white Cadillac Escalade followed them to the home and began arguing with some of the women.

"At some point, an individual in a white Cadillac Escalade shows up. Apparently, he has issues or some dispute over the female and there was a discussion between the two parties, and we know there were several shots fired," an Orange County Sheriff's Office spokesman said. Investigators said a man who was identified as Curtis Ruff was treated at Health Central Hospital for a gunshot wound to the leg and was driving a vehicle that matched the suspect's vehicle involved in the shooting.

Are they sure that Jayson Williams wasn't at the house. And that he didn't mistake the white Caddy for the limo coming to pick him up?

More sports legends slapped with lawsuits

In another bold legal move, Jonathan Lee Riches, the same man who recently filed a lawsuit against Michael Vick for $63,000,000,000 billion has filed two new hand written lawsuits one against Barry Bonds, Bud Selig and Hank Aaron's bat and another one against Joe Montana, Wayne Gretzky, Michael Jordan, Allen Iverson, LeBron James and Mickey Mantle.

The one against Bonds/Selig, filed Aug. 13 by Riches is for "42,000,000 million dollars in Swiss Francs" and alleges that Bonds and Selig are enmeshed in a conspiracy involving steroids to boost TV ratings, according to the complaint filed. This complaint is another must read and you can see it here.

The highlights of the Bond/Selig complaint include:

How Barry Bonds uses Hank Aaron's corked bat during ballgames. And that the bat has a secret chambers where Barry stores his HGH supplements which he takes while he awaits in the batters box.

How Bonds also used the errant bat to crack the Liberty Bell.

How Bonds sold mustard gas to Saddam Hussein as part of the Oil for Food Scandal

The second suit filed on August 17, 2007 against Gretzky et al is for $83 billion dollars and states that all of the figures have cheated the American people and ruined his life. The entire filing can be read here.

Highlights of the complaint include:

How Riches dunked over Jordan in high school and Lebron had someone bust his kneecap and is now causing global warming by driving a Hummer. And that all defendants picked on him in high school, hunt without licenses, put fluoride in the water system and were seen with Iranians.

If you are wondering about who exactly this Jonathan Lee Riches really is and why the other lawsuits filed aren't getting the same publicity as the Vick claim, our good friend at Fick's World has done some digging. Whether this is a bored inmate or a brilliant prank, this is still damn funny. And by funny I mean there is no better use of the US justice system.

Vick is a killer

Two of Michael Vick's alleged cohorts in a grisly dogfighting case pleaded guilty Friday, and one said the Atlanta Falcons quarterback joined them in drowning and hanging dogs that underperformed for Vick's Bad Newz Kennels. Purnell Peace and Quanis Phillips become the second and third co-defendants to plead guilty to being involved in the racket. Tony Taylor, who also agreed to cooperate with prosecutors, pleaded guilty last month.

According to Phillips' summary, Vick funded purses for the dogfights. He also participated in several dogfights at his Surry County property between 2002 and 2007. Vick also traveled with "Bad Newz Kennels" dogs to fights in South Carolina and North Carolina, according to the documents. In April 2007, he, along with Peace and Vick, "tested" dogs by "putting the dogs through fighting sessions . . . to determine which animals were good fighters." The three men "executed approximately eight dogs that did not perform well."

This is definitely more Bad Newz for Vick in his attempt to escape prison. With his NFL career being one big disappointment thus far, he's lucky the Falcon's didn't treat him the same way he treated his dogs. Mind you, it would have been funny to see Vick hung up from the uprights and electrocuted after posting a 62 pass rating in his rookie year.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Throwing Smoke Flashback - Classic Baseball Brawls

As promised, here are some of the classic baseball fights. Enjoy!

Here is Nolan Ryan teaching a young Robin Ventura not to mess with a good ole' boy.

Izzy Alcantara did his brawl scouting. Knowing the catcher is usually there to stop a hitter from pounding on the star pitcher, he does his best Jackie Chan impression to make sure he will get a few licks in before he is swarmed.

Finally, here is a university brawl with big league punches thrown.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Poet's Corner

Toronto's Mark Bell, a hockey star,

In a hit and run with his car,

He was drunk at the time,

When he committed the crime,

Being a Leaf worse than 6 months behind bars.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Giambi isn't punished

Former roidhead Jason Giambi escaped punishment from commissioner Bud Selig because of his charitable work and cooperation with baseball's steroids investigator. Giambi has acknowledged a 'personal history regarding steroids' "He's doing a lot of public-service work, and I think that's terribly important," Selig said. "I think it's more important for us to keep getting the message out. He was, I thought, very frank and candid with Sen. Mitchell, at least that was the senator's conclusion. Given everything, this is an appropriate decision."

He agreed to speak with former Sen. George Mitchell last month after Selig threatened to discipline him if he refused to cooperate. "It's over and done with. I'm thrilled with it. He did what he needed to do -- now I can go forward," Giambi said before the Yankees hosted Detroit in the opener of an important four-game series. "I can go forward and not hurt the ball club with a suspension."

Pacman should look to Giambi for inspiration on how to leave controversy behind. I'm sure Goodell would be impressed to see him offering time to the community, such as serving warm meals at a battered women's shelter. Granted, Jones is probably the reason half of the women are there in the first place.

Bears FB blames supplement

Chicago Bears fullback Obafemi Ayanbadejo said he might sue the maker of an over-the-counter supplement after the NFL suspended him for the first four regular-season games without pay for violating the league's policy on anabolic steroids and related substances on Thursday.

Ayanbadejo insisted he did not take steroids, did not knowingly "infringe on the rules of the NFL performance-enhancing drug policy" and that he had passed "60-plus drug tests and never failed one. I've never had a problem at any level -- collegiately, in the NFL," he said. Ayanbadejo said he used a product called Max LMG, which decreases estrogen levels and boosts testosterone, for three weeks in January. He got tested that month, learned in April that he had failed and had an appeal hearing a few days before training camp opened. "I am going to pursue civil action against the company," he said. Ayanbadejo also pointed a finger at himself. He said he should have sent a sample to the league for evaluation before using the product.

Did you ever notice that when people test positive for drugs in any other sport but football, fans are ready to hang the culprit? In the NFL, it seems to be an accepted part of the game and no one cares. Just like when Brian Urlacher dated Paris Hilton knowing full well he would end up with a cluster of blisters in the morning.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Pacman release forthcoming

Last April everybody’s favourite suspended defensive tackle, Pacman Jones, revealed that he was starting up a hip-hop recording label. New details have been released regarding the venture. His National Street League Records, based in Atlanta, announced Wednesday that Jones will team with producer Spoaty in a duo called Posterboyz with their first single "Let it Shine" to be released before the end of the month. The song talks about big money, cars and jewelry.

This sounds a lot like his last single “Make it Rain,” about a bunch of strippers fighting over wads of cash and bullets being sprayed around the club. That release earned him a Grammy nomination. And by Grammy nomination I mean arrest warrant.

Cox gets the boot

Bobby Cox finally passed John McGraw for the most ejections in baseball history Tuesday night. The Atlanta Braves manager was thrown out by plate umpire Ted Barrett for arguing a called third strike on Chipper Jones to end the fifth inning against the San Francisco Giants. It was the 132nd ejection of Cox's career, eclipsing the mark that McGraw set during his Hall of Fame career. "It's nothing," Cox said of the record. "It just means I've been around a long time, that's all."

If you are keeping score at home, this is 131 more ejections than Gilles Villeneuve had during his racing career.

Offerman can swing the lumber

Former major league All-Star Jose Offerman was charged with two counts of second-degree assault after hitting the pitcher and catcher with his bat during an independent minor league game. Offerman posted $10,000 bond and is due in Bridgeport Superior Court on Aug. 23, court officials said Wednesday.

Offerman, playing for the Long Island Ducks in the Atlantic League, homered in the first inning. The next inning, he was hit by a pitch from Bridgeport's Matt Beech and charged the mound with his bat. According to the Connecticut Post, Beech was hit on the hands as he attempted to defend himself, while catcher John Nathans was hit in the back of the head on Offerman's backswing. Police said Beech, a left-hander, sustained a broken right middle finger, and Nathans later suffered from nausea, the newspaper reported. Bridgeport manager Tommy John told ESPN2's "First Take" that Nathans had suffered a concussion.

Generally basebrawls are funny; like seeing Robin Ventura get noogied by a decrepit Nolan Ryan, or George Bell doing his best Bruce Lee impression, but this one is just Juan Marichal crazy. I haven't seen anyone go this crazy since someone drank Sidney Ponson's last shot of rum while he showered.

Note: Check this weekend for our regular feature Throwing Smoke Flashback for videos of some of our favourite baseball brawls!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Vick slapped with lawsuit

Michael Vick has been served with a $63,000,000,000,000,000,000 civil lawsuit. The suit alleges that Vick stole two of the plaintiff’s pit bull dogs and used them in his dog fighting operation. The complaint goes on to say that Vick eventually sold the dogs on EBay and used the proceeds to buy missiles for Iran. The complaint also alleges that Vick would need those missiles because he pledged allegiance to Al Qaeda in February of this year. You can read the entire legal filing here (and I recommend you do, because this guy makes George “The Animal” Steel look like Einstein).

With Vick’s legal bills already running high, I think he could cheap out on a lawyer to handle this case himself. All he would need is for Jamal Anderson to walk into court, say ‘This is Bullshit your honor’, do the dirty bird on the motion and case closed.

Bills player out of control

Yet another NFL player has been suspended for violating the league's substance abuse policy. Troubled Buffalo Bills defensive end Anthony Hargrove was suspended for four games without pay by the NFL on Saturday. The suspension is the latest problem for Hargrove after the third-year NFL player was arrested and charged with three misdemeanors stemming from a confrontation with police outside a Rochester nightclub last weekend. Hargrove pleaded not guilty to the charges and also apologized to fans and his teammates, saying: ''I need to hold myself up better than this... It's time for me to be a man and take responsibility in myself.''

The Bills are now considering releasing Hargrove. Although they should seriously reconsider cause the free agent pool is thin with all the NFL players suspended for the start of the season. Unless the NFL is prepared to dig up Pat Tillman they better start suspending players for the last four games of next season instead of the first four.

Pedro rehabs

Pedro Martinez pitched three perfect innings in his second rehabilitation start Tuesday before allowing three runs in the fourth. Martinez, who has been working his way back from right shoulder surgery in October, threw 60 pitches for the New York Mets' Rookie-level Gulf Coast League team and then another 20 fastballs in the bullpen. On Aug. 8, the three-time Cy Young winner struggled through three innings and was pulled before reaching his target pitch count, allowing five runs and six hits in a Class A start.

All baseball fans have to be excited to see one of the best pitchers back on the mound for the Mets pennant chase. I have to admit, it's is refreshing to see Mets and rehab used in the same sentence that didn't involve Doc Gooden and 60 day stint at the Betty Ford Clinic.

Weekly poll results

When Throwing Smoke readers were asked who was more likely to OJ his (ex) wife, the conclusion was:

1/3 of you thought Elijah Dukes and Latrell Sprewell were equally as likely to put their woman 6 feet under.

With a strong second place finish, Michael Strahan took home 27% of the vote.

While Jason Kidd got only 7% of the vote.

Thanks to all of you who voted. Please vote in our new poll about what you would do if you were in Michael Vick's posse.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

The rats are fleeing the ship

After a first co-defendant in the Michael Vick dogfighting case struck a deal with the feds, the two others have also turned on Vick and will accept plea deals in exchange for testifying against him. With all co-defendants now agreeing to testify against Vick, he must decide before the end of the week whether to accept his own plea agreement. Legal analysts are saying that, even if Vick accepts a deal, he will be trading in his Falcons jersey for an orange jumpsuit and taking reps in the prison shower.

I can relate to what Mexico is feeling right now, with his posse deserting him and facing jail time. Only my posse is a litter of kittens and they left me because I kicked them every night when I got home from work.

Discovery team is gone

Citing fractious leadership in the sport, constant doping allegations and the struggles of finding a new sponsor, Armstrong and the owners of his former Discovery Channel team said Friday the squad will disband after this season.

Although the team and Armstrong have long been suspected of doping - doubts that have dogged its most recent Tour winner, Alberto Contador - its riders have never failed a drug test while in the jerseys of Discovery Channel or its predecessor, U.S. Postal Service. A handful of its alumni, including stars like Tyler Hamilton, Roberto Heras and Floyd Landis, have failed the tests with their next teams.

Armstrong said it was the perfect time to go out on top: Discovery's Alberto Contador of Spain won the team's eighth Tour de France title in nine years last month. "It's a sad day for cycling. Certainly a sad day for American cycling," he said. "We're proud of our record."

I would be proud too if my team won that many titles and never got caught on drugs until after they left the team. That is so Davey Johnson 1986 Mets. Only with more needles. And less testes.

Fat dude cries

Japan's sumo Grand Champion Asashoryu, the toughest guy in Japan's toughest sport, is reportedly on the brink of a nervous breakdown, holed up in his apartment fighting back tears and begging he be allowed to go home to his native Mongolia. A few weeks ago, the 26-year-old wrestler won his 21st Emperor's Cup - the coveted prize that hundreds of wrestlers vie for in the six major sumo tournaments held each year.

He has been circled in controversy since he ditched a summer exhibition tournament due to injuries and was later caught on videotape playing in a charity soccer event in Mongolia. The video, which has been shown almost daily for more than a week, showed the burly Asashoryu wearing sunglasses and smiling broadly as he greeted his local fans, and then - appearing quite fit - twisting and turning on an attempted header. The Japan Sumo Association came down hard, slapping him with an unprecedented two-tournament suspension and a 30 per cent cut in pay for four months. Psychiatrist Masaki Honda examined him and said the wrestler was depressed and could be on the brink of a nervous breakdown due to a shock from the punishment. He said the wrestler was barely able to talk, and his trainer said Asashoryu was "holding back tears. He seemed extremely haggard," Asashoryu's trainer, Takasago, told a televised news conference after meeting the disgruntled wrestler. "I've never seen him in such a state before

I am not into watching fat guys in diapers, but apparently for Japanese sports fans, this story is bigger than Bonds and bigger than Beijing. And by bigger, they mean fatter. And by fatter, they mean he hasn't seen his penis in 2 decades.

Cardinals hate sobriety

Cardinals utility player Scott Spiezio voluntarily sought treatment for "possible problems related to substances" that the team did not specify. Spiezio, who has relished a hard-rocking image through his 12 seasons in the major leagues, was placed on the restricted list Thursday and will be paid while he undergoes treatment. He has not played since Sunday. The St. Louis Post-Dispatch, citing club and industry sources, reported Friday that it has confirmed Spiezio is seeking treatment for alcohol and drug abuse. "He realized he had a problem and wanted to get some help," general manager Walt Jocketty told the Post-Dispatch. "We're obviously very supportive and want nothing more than for him to get whatever assistance he needs."

It seems like the Cardinal's clubhouse is Boozetown USA. When your manager is a drunk and one of your teammates killed himself while intoxicated, how did it take him this long to get help? And if you couldn't tell this freak wasn't sober most of the time, then hearing of David Wells' diabetes must have been the shock of a lifetime.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Pacman enters the squared circle

Pacman made his TNA 'wrestling' debut on Sunday, which was in-line with the Titan's court order against him. Surrounded by fake cops, not a finger was laid on Jones on-camera Sunday at the Total Nonstop Action Wrestling event, but several were awfully close. A wrestler rushed the stage after jawing with Jones, but four actors with police clothing tackled him just out of reach. Minutes later, the studio television screens flashed to Jones backstage, lying on the ground after being purportedly attacked.

The Tennessee Titans got a court order prohibiting Jones from participating in any wrestling activity after he promised in a taped segment Thursday on TNA's weekly Spike TV show to appear. Jones, the team and TNA reached an agreement Friday allowing him to perform -- under extensive stipulation. He could not touch or be touched, grapple, shove, throw or have anything thrown at him by anyone working for or watching the show.

You can't blame the Titans for wanting to protect their asset even if he won't be in the double blue for at least a year. But for a $29.99 pay per view I want to see more than Pacman just standing in the ring jawing at half naked men. Nothing would say action more than Jones doing his best light's out Owen Hart submission move. You know, the one where he is lowered from the ceiling by Goodell only to see his safety harness release half way down.

Young benched

Quarterback Vince Young was benched for the Tennessee Titans' pre-season opener against the Washington Redskins on Saturday night. Titans coach Jeff Fisher sat Young for a violation of team rules. After the game, it was disclosed that Young spent Friday night at home instead of at the team's training camp hotel. Kerry Collins started at quarterback in place of Young. He completed 10-of-17 passes for 79 yards as the Titans lost to the Washington Redskins, 14-6.

When your franchise QB is black, why the hell is Kerry Collins even on the roster? Given all the thugs in the clubhouse his bye-week routine of getting smashed and dropping N-bombs on his teammates probably won't go over well this time around.