Tyson finally makes an appearance

Now here’s a late Christmas gift. Mike Tyson was arrested earlier this week for driving under the influence. When the cops searched him they found two bags of cocaine in his back pocket. Crazy Mike confessed to possessing the drug and that he “uses it anytime he can get his hands on it.”

Well that settles that. We were all wondering what Tyson was up to when he didn’t bother to show up last month for that gala dinner that his few remaining fans paid $500 each to attend. All that coke must have clouded his judgment cause $500 a head buys a hell of a lot of eightballs. You can say what you want about Doc Gooden, but at least he has enough sense to show up when it involves that much blow.

Tyson is quietly moving up in the heavyweight rankings again. And by heavyweight rankings I mean his life is accelerating into a brick wall. Assault, Rape, Facial Tattoos, Bankruptcy, Consumption of Human Flesh, and now Cocaine Addiction. His rap sheet would make Allen Iverson blush. All he needs to do now is kill Don King and he will threaten to unseat perennial heavyweight champion O.J. Simpson.