Sunday, September 30, 2007

Throwing Smoke Flashback - Steve Downie illegal hit

On Friday, the NHL suspended Philadelphia Flyer wannabe Steve Downie for 20 games for his hit on Ottawa Senators forward Dean McAmmond in Thursday's exhibition game between the two teams. Downie will forfeit $63,101 during his suspension. Here is the hit that caused the controversy. What would have been real justice for the Senators is to let Dany Heatley chauffer Downey to the minors.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Poet's Corner

Champion boxer Sugar Shane

Tooks drugs in 2003 when he trained.

Mosley used 'the cream'

Given by a member of his team

To put the Golden Boy in pain

Friday, September 28, 2007

Weekly Poll Results

Throwing Smoke readers have spoken! When asked what their favourite part of the OJ's first trial was:

- 23.5% each loved the Bronco chase and OJ trying on the glove
- 17.6% can't get enough of the verdict
- 11.8% each loved Johnnie Cochran and Mark Fuhrman
- while 7.8% wanted to see more of Judge Ito and Kato Kalin

Overall, this lived up to trial of the century, thanks to Marcia Clark and Chris Darden screwing each other it up. Thanks to all of you who voted and please cast your ballot in our new poll of what your favourite fall sport is!

NCAA is the new NFL

Florida State suspended two football players after they were arrested in a bar fight that resulted in felony charges against one of them. Junior linebacker Geno Hayes and senior fullback Joe Surratt were arrested early Friday at a bar near the Florida State campus. Officers were on duty outside Potbelly's Bar looking for underage drinkers when they noticed a man later identified as Hayes screaming profanities and waving his arms, a police report said. When officers tried to talk to him, Hayes became aggressive and resisted when officers then tried to handcuff him, leading an officer to stun him with his Taser. Police also said Surratt was standing nearby and became involved, eventually striking an officer.

Who doesn't look back on their college years with fondness? Only instead of having stories like me about the sluts and TD's I scored, they'll be telling their bastard children how they ended up pumping gas for a living.

Oscar's picks may be real

As we all know how reliable ET can be as a news source, they intereviewed the woman behind the Oscar de la Hoya images. Milana claims to be a friend of De La Hoya (who has been married to superstar Millie Corretjer since 2001) and new pictures of them have surfaced in recent days. She was asked if she could prove that the photos are authentic and not doctored.

"They're real, I can assure you," says the 22-year-old dancer. "I took those photographs. I have him on my camera. This is Oscar. This is not Photoshopped." Milana Dravnel says she took the alleged photos May 17 at the Ritz-Carlton Hotel in Philadelphia. "He called me, he invited me to come," explains Milana. "I drove with my friend, grabbed a couple of outfits, and we met up with Oscar ... That was the last time I saw him."

De La Hoya's lawyer commented that Oscar does know the woman who we believe is selling these photographs to the tabloid media. But he assures me that the photos are phony. He has asked me to pursue his legal remedies. Because we are contemplating legal action, Oscar will make no further comment at this time."

Am I the only one to believe that what happens in the sack should stay in the sack? Oscar, don't feel bad bra, who hasn't done some crazy shit behind closed doors. You can't tell me that I am the only one who has ever showed up at Wade Bogg's hotel looking for a bat to be shoved up my anus only to leave needing a face cloth. Damn spray hitters.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Vick in more hot water

Michael Vick’s situation is now only slightly better than that of The Juice’s. As expected the state of Virginia has followed suit with the Feds and filed their own charges against Vick in connection with his dogfighting ring. If convicted of the new charges Vick’s jail time would more than double, effectively erasing any hope of resuming his NFL career.

“We are disappointed that these charges were filed since it is the same conduct covered by the federal indictment for which Mr. Vick has already accepted full responsibility” and pleaded guilty, Billy Martin, one of Vick’s lawyers. Martin said Vick’s legal team would examine the charges “to ensure that he is not held accountable for the same conduct twice.”

In addition, it was also announced that Vick tested positive for marijuana use earlier this month, a violation of the conditions of his release as he awaits sentencing on the federal charges. He now has to wear an electronic tracking device and must submit to random drug testing. Because Vick violated the conditions of his release, the judge could take that into consideration during sentencing. One legal expert said “Every judge considers pretty seriously if they feel that the defendant has flaunted the conditions for release. It's certainly not a smart thing to do."

When I think of Michael Vick “smart” isn’t the first thing that comes to mind. I’m surprised he didn’t confuse his bitches by giving herpes to his dogs and drowning his women.

Isiah on the stand

New York Knicks coach Isiah Thomas testified Wednesday that he never cursed at a fired team executive who has accused him of sexual harassment. In his second day on the witness stand at a trial in federal court in Manhattan, Thomas denied allegations in a $10 million lawsuit that he repeatedly addressed the plaintiff, Anucha Browne Sanders, as "bitch" and "ho" while they worked together at Madison Square Garden. Thomas stated, "I've never cursed at Anucha. I've cursed around Anucha."

Thomas also contradicted earlier testimony by Browne Sanders that during a conversation about season ticket holders, he snapped: "Bitch, I don't give a [expletive] about these white people." Season ticket holders "are the backbone of how we all make a living," he said.

Thomas testified that in the two years he worked with Browne Sanders, their contact was infrequent -- he estimated a total of three hours -- and usually friendly and respectful. Sometimes they would greet each other with hugs and kisses on the cheek, but there nothing romantic about it, he said. Thomas said he "went to give her a kiss on the cheek and she recoiled is such a way that it made me feel uncomfortable, and I said, 'What? No love today?"' He claimed he was surprised to learn later that Browne Sanders was pursuing a sexual harassment claim.

While Marbury was tapping stripper ass, Isiah was being shot down by Anucha. I could see why he would have gone off the wall in jealousy. Bullshit lawsuit aside, Sanders should consider herself lucky she was with the Knicks and not the Lakers. We all know the kind of special treatment she would have received after turning Kobe down for anal.

Tyson to go another round with Sodom

Former heavyweight chump Mike Tyson pleaded guilty Monday to charges of drug possession and driving under the influence stemming from a traffic stop last year as he was leaving a nightclub. In pleading guilty Tyson told the judge that he was under the influence of alcohol and cocaine when officers stopped him for driving erratically last December. Tyson pleaded guilty to a single felony count of cocaine possession and a misdemeanor DUI count. A felony charge of possession of drug paraphernalia and a second misdemeanor DUI charge were dropped, according to the terms of a plea agreement. Tyson faces a maximum of four years and three months in prison when he is sentenced Nov. 19.

You can't expect a guy bred to crush skulls to be a normal citizen once his career is over. It would be like trying to turn Vick’s dogs into helpers for the blind. Only instead of helping them cross the street safely they’ll tear off their flesh when the cross-walk signal chimes. But hey, at least they wouldn’t see it coming.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Bond's ball to be branded

The ball Barry Bonds hit for his record-breaking 756th home run will be branded with an asterisk and sent to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Fashion designer Marc Ecko, who bought the ball in an online auction, set up a Web site for fans to vote on the ball's fate, and Wednesday announced the decision to brand it won out over the other options -- sending it to Cooperstown unblemished or launching it into space. 47% voted to brand the the ball, 34% voted to put the ball unmarked into Cooperstown while just 19% wanted to launch it into space.

Ecko said he believed the vote to brand the ball showed people thought "this was shrouded in a chapter of baseball history that wasn't necessarily the clearest it could be." Bonds publicist Rachael Vizcarra did not immediately respond to an e-mail sent early Wednesday seeking comment about the ball's fate.

Hall of Fame president Dale Petroskey said accepting the ball did not mean the Hall in Cooperstown, N.Y., endorses the viewpoint that Barry Bonds used drugs. "This ball wouldn't be coming to Cooperstown if Marc hadn't bought it from the fan who caught it and then let the fans have their say," Petroskey told The Associated Press. "We're delighted to have the ball. It's a historic piece of baseball history."

Although we think branding a ball this historic, and more importantly, worth that much dough is pure lunacy, the people have spoken. This is the dumbest branding in sports since Mike Tyson's face tattoo.

Marbury loves sex

In the ongoing Isiah Thomas sexual harrassment lawsuit, a Madison Square Garden employee testified yesterday that she had consensual sex with New York Knicks guard Stephon Marbury, contradicting earlier claims by a former executive suing Knicks coach Isiah Thomas for $10,000,000 for sexual harassment.

Kathleen Decker took the witness stand to try to clarify for a jury what happened the night of her birthday in 2005 when she met Marbury at a strip club and got into the basketball star's truck. "Stephon Marbury asked me: `Are you going to get in the truck?' and I got in the truck," she told the jury. Asked if the sex was consensual, she answered, "Completely ... I was in control." The testimony came after fired MSG vice-president Anucha Browne Sanders testified as part of her sexual harassment case that Decker told her she felt no choice but to submit to Marbury's advances.

This case is rivalling Disneyland for entertainment. But only instead of Space Mountain and Minnie Mouse, this ride is chalk full of harassment, truck sex and verbal abuse. The only way for this trial to get any better is for a white midget to enter the courtroom on a tricycle holding Isiah's illegitimate daughter. And him replying 'F-off Bitch".

Who're they doin'

We all loved Jose Canseco's book 'Juiced'. In it he quotes: Here’s something you probably don’t know about Roger Clemens: He’s one of the very few baseball players I know who never cheated on his wife. I was amazed by him, to be honest. His wife should be very proud of him. You see all these other guys- oh, my god, every chance they got, they would be hitting the strip clubs. They would have extra girls staying in the team hotel, one room over from their wives, so they could go back and forth from room to room if they wanted. They would have their choice of women in damn near every city imaginable. So with the Yankee's pennant chase in the home stretch, let's see the woman that has kept the Rocket to one launching pad.

What a body. Considering Debbie has had 4 kids, even more impressive. That is cougar-licous! When you are worth a ton of cash and have that waiting at home, why bother risking it all?

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Bengals pick up where they left off

Police recovered a reported-stolen vehicle Wednesday evening from the home of troubled Bengals receiver Chris Henry. An officer spotted a car he did not recognize parked in the Cincinnati Bengal’s driveway, ran the license plates and discovered the car had been reported stolen by a rental-car company.

Henry told investigators that his own vehicle had been stolen in Louisiana, where he is from originally, and he rented a car from Hertz. The Bengals' wide receiver said he thought his insurance company was paying for the car, so he had not made any payment for the vehicle. Authorities said Hertz had not received payment from Henry or his insurance company, and the car was reported stolen. Scheben added that a decision about charges against Henry would not be made until the investigation is complete. Henry holds the current NFL record for most arrests in a 14-month span.

Scheben said deputies patrolling neighborhoods often run license plates from unfamiliar vehicles through their computer, so he said the deputy who ran the plate at Henry's home wasn't doing anything unusual.

Well, that settles that. Marvin Lewis can relax now, there’s absolutely no police profiling of his players. And by no profiling, I mean at least the cops didn’t leave a bloody glove on Henry’s driveway.

Rodman is an assman

Dennis Rodman is in trouble with the law again, this time for allegedly smacking the behind of a female bar patron. reported that the Orange County Sheriff's Department is investigating the incident, which allegedly took place at Hennessy's Tavern in Dana Point, near Laguna Beach. One source says the ex-basketball star allegedly slapped the woman's rear so hard, it left a "major mark." Rodman's rep Darren Prince just issued the following statement to TMZ: That is just another woman trying to extort money out of Dennis, and I am sure the situation will work itself out in Dennis' favor."

For a guy who has scored hot ass like Carmen Electra and Madonna when she was under 50, why would he resort to such amateurish moves. This news is as disappointing as it would be hearing that half of Shawn Kemp's kids are adopted.

Bradley is a dice game

Padres left-fielder Milton Bradley tore the anterior cruciate ligament in his right knee after being ejected by umpire Mike Winters. Bradley then hurt his knee during a bizarre scene when manager Bud Black spun him to the ground to keep him from going after the first base umpire in the eighth inning of Sunday's 7-3 loss to Colorado. Milton will miss the rest of the season.

As Bradley walked to the plate in the eighth, umpire Brian Runge asked the player if he had flipped his bat in the ump's direction after taking a called third strike to end the fifth. "I said, 'Are you kidding me? That's ridiculous,"' Bradley said. "He said, 'Well, it was reported to me by the other umpires that you threw your bat at me.' And I said, 'That's completely ridiculous. I've done a lot of things. I'm trying to turn it around. I would never harm anybody."' Bradley singled, then asked Winters if he told Runge he threw his bat. "He goes, 'Yeah, you did.' I go, 'Are you kidding me? That's completely ridiculous. If I strike out and the inning's over, why are you looking at me? Everything's always about me."' Then, a fan heckled Winters. "I pointed to the guy in the crowd, affirming it," Bradley said. Bradley said Winters responded with a string of expletives. "That's when I went at him and he kicked me out," Bradley said.

Bradley called it "the most unprofessional and most ridiculous thing I've ever seen". "It's terrible. And now, because of him, my knee's hurt," Bradley said Sunday. "If this costs me my season because of that, he needs to be reprimanded. I'm taking some action. I'm not going to stand pat and accept this, because I didn't do nothing wrong."

Most unprofessional thing he has ever seen? This is Milton freaking Bradley we are talking about here. The same guy who dumped coffee on a teammate, attacked a fan and had to attend anger managment classes for his antics. He is so crazy, he makes 10-cent beer night look like a day at a nunnery. Minus the sweet virgin ass.

Monday, September 24, 2007

NFL Haiku Recap - Week 3

Favre ties Marino
For career TD record,
Pack beat the Chargers


Pats hammer the Bills
Losman out with a strained knee
Brady, Moss - Deadly


McNabb throws 4 scores,
White QB would have thrown 5
Eagles crush Lions


Chiefs win first of year
A bad game again, LJ
Shouldn't have held out.


Steelers win again
Gave 49'ers first loss.
Big Ben is back, yo


Ravens over Cards,
Warner almost led comeback
Leinart makes bastards


Oakland wins first game
But only against the Browns
So it shouldn't count


A last minute score
Lead Seahawks over Cincy
Cincy needs some D


Denver finally,
as they play good team,
Are overrated


Eli's Giants win,
Big rally in second half
Gibbs should retire


Hall loses his cool with Smith
Falcons still winless


Cowboys owned Da Bears
Grossman another bad game
He threw 3 more picks

Notre Dame loses again

For the first time in 119 seasons of Notre Dame football, the Fighting Irish are 0-4. Michigan State, which blew a big lead to Notre Dame a year ago in a loss that sent its season in a tailspin, got a measure of revenge against the floundering Fighting Irish with a 31-14 victory Saturday. Now it's Notre Dame's season that's spinning out of control. The Irish have lost six in a row, the second longest losing streak in school history, and allowed at least 30 points in each game. Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis said he wasn't focusing on the worst start ever. "Records to me is not the critical factor," he said. "I'll critically evaluate this game and get ready for Purdue."

With a team this bad, it looks like not even the All Mighty can save their season. Sure next season you will still see their games against Michigan and Michican State, but they should consider signing a long term agreement with the likes of Buffalo University and the Duke Blue Devils. And maybe they will have a chance; but only if Duke's football team allegedly rape some strippers. And their second stringers are the girls basketball team.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Throwing Smoke Flashback - The First OJ trial

Once we saw that infamous Bronco chase, we were all hooked on this story from the start. For the months that followed, all the way to the verdict, this story was front page news. I just hope part II of the OJ saga is just as captivating. Here are some classic moments from OJ's first trial for the murders of his ex-wife Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman.

Drive Al drive!

Even OJ can't believe what they just said! The Juice is loooooooooooooose. Don't forget to vote in our weekly poll; this week featuring OJ Simpson!

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Poet's Corner

Four years after a crash he's surviving,
Former NHL'er Rob Ramage's trial has started,
Killed a person drinking and driving,
You see, Dude is pretty retarded.

After the smash the words he did use:
"I have to pee. I have to pee. It's all the drinking"
and "Oh man. I shouldn't be here. It's the booze."
With empty cans in his car, what was he thinking?

Cops smelled the drinks on his breath,
How this got to trial is beyond me,
For something this intentionally stupid causing death,
Put him in jail and throw away the key.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Landis finally done...we hope

Floyd Landis lost his doping case Thursday when arbitrators upheld the results of a test that showed the 2006 Tour de France champion used synthetic testosterone to fuel his spectacular comeback victory. The decision means Landis, who repeatedly has denied using performance-enhancing drugs, must forfeit his Tour de France title and is subject to a two-year ban, retroactive to Jan. 30, 2007. Speaking from his home in Murietta, Calif., outside San Diego, an angry Landis sounded as if he were leaning against an appeal and seemed fatalistic about the odds he will ever race professionally again.

"I have to assess whether a system that corrupt is worth subjecting myself to again," Landis told's Bonnie D. Ford. "I don't have any reason to believe that CAS is any more sincere. Landis, who spent an estimated $2 million on his defense, called the ruling "completely absurd" and said he drew no consolation from the fact that the panel found some of the French lab's procedures lacking. Although he said he was surprised and disappointed by the decision, he added that it confirmed his suspicion that the outcome may have been a foregone conclusion.

The reason the results were a foregone conclusion was because he was caught red-handed. And what I find completely absurd is how this joker still thinks people actually believe him. Kobe Bryant telling his wife that 'it just fell in there by mistake' has more credibility than the shit Landis spews.

T.O. fined

After seeing the videotape of Terrell Owens' latest touchdown celebration this past weekend, Owens stated yesterday that he was fined "a good chunk of money" by the NFL for a celebration that included him using the goal post and football to poke fun at the New England Patriots' spying scandal during Dallas' 37-20 victory over Miami this past Sunday. A league spokesman said the fine was $7,500.

"It wasn't even the fact I used the goal post as a prop," Owens said. "They said I used the ball." Beyond being confused about what he can and can't do, Owens is frustrated by the league's policing of end-zone scenes. "It's kind of hard to understand the rules," he said. "It's like you can't do nothing no more. ... Dude, it's like they're trying to find any way to take fun out of the game. So I'm kind of limited right now as far as what I can do."

There really isn't a lot of fun left in seeing a guy score a TD in the NFL anymore. Bring back the days of markers in the socks and cell phones in the goalposts. If Goodell's pointless attack on TD celebrations continues players will end up being fined $10,000 for just scoring a touchdown.

College QB causes wipe out

The University of New Hampshire said last week it suspended a backup quarterback after learning that he faces murder charges in California. Henri "Hank" Hendricks, 21, is charged with murder, assault and battery in the beating death of a professional surfer in San Diego last May. Hendricks told police he and a few others were at the surfer's home when a confrontation occurred. He said it ended when the surfer got punched in the jaw and fell backward, hitting his head. Police allege the men are members of a gang known as the Bird Rock Bandits, something defense lawyers deny.

With Donovan McNabb spending all of his time crying about lack of respect, it is good to see some guys will still go out and earn it. I mean you can't blame fans and the media for not respecting a guy who constantly whines and plays the black card more than Phil Ivey with a spade flush hand. Dono should take a page out of Hendricks play book. Street cred ain't earned by sitting and eating chunky stew with your mom, it's earned by talking to her on the phone. Behind a window. In jail.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

De la Hoya's a fake

If you were one of the people who were waiting to see authentic Oscar de la Hoya pictures in fishnet stockings, you will have to wait another day. If you couldn't already tell they were photoshopped, de la Hoya's lawyer confirmed they are 100% fake.
You can see the fake pictures here.

I am not sure what sick bastard would actually get off on these photos, but you can count me as not being part of that minority. Granted, I shouldn't comment as my parents have caught me masturbating to bloody shots of women boxers countless times. And I'm not talking about after they just went 5 rounds with Laila Ali.

The Juice set loose

I thought Fred Goldman had all of The Juice’s dough, so I was surprised to see O.J. make his $125,000 bail today. The Juice is loose once again, but he’ll need to report back to Las Vegas on October 22nd for a status hearing.

The venerable Roger Cossack, the world expert on legal matters involving O.J. Simpson, is saying that The Juice has a good chance of beating many of the charges brought against him, which include robbery, burglary, use of a deadly weapon, kidnapping, and conspiracy to commit a crime. The goods may actually belong to Simpson thus giving him some just cause for the crime, and there is evidence of a setup while many of the victims have criminal records, reducing their credibility as witnesses.

This trial is going to be a circus. A really awesome circus, where the ringleader gets attacked by a lion and a troupe of Dancing Judge Ito’s give me a lap dance. Greta Van Susteren interviewed the loveable Kato Kaelin on Fox today. And even Marcia Clark showed up to cover the bail hearing for Entertainment Tonight. Chris Darden was mysteriously absent though. He was busy back in L.A. pissing on Johnnie Cochran’s grave.

Bond's ball in limbo

Fashion designer Marc Ecko had the winning bid Saturday in the online auction for the ball that Bonds hit last month to break Hank Aaron's record of 755 home runs. The final selling price was $752,467 (all figures U.S.). Ecko, 35, has set up a website that lets visitors vote on three options for the ball: give it to the National Baseball Hall of Fame, brand it with an asterisk before sending it to Cooperstown or blast it into space on a rocket ship. Ecko plans to announce what he will do with No. 756 after voting ends Sept. 25. You can place your vote for the balls fate here.

"All of those options don't weigh anything," Bonds told the San Francisco Chronicle on Tuesday night in Phoenix. "In baseball, that number (756) stands.'' Bonds said Ecko could have found a better way to spend three-quarters of a million dollars. "He's stupid. He's an idiot," Bonds said. "He spent $750,000 on the ball and that's what he's doing with it? What he's doing is stupid.''

Ecko did not directly respond to Bonds' comments Wednesday, but said in a statement he would make Bonds a custom T-shirt that says, ``Marc Ecko paid $752,467 for my ball, and all I got was this 'stupid' T-shirt.'''

Ben Padnos, the California entrepreneur who submitted the $186,750 winning bid on Bonds' record-tying 755th home run ball, said Tuesday he also plans to have the public vote on what to do with it.

This is what happens when your balls are put in the hands of a fashion designer. Although this use of the ball is a lot different then Ecko's usual of having them bounce off of his chin. But dude has left out a lot more options for this storied baseball, such as:

- grind it up and let Doc and Straw fight to death over who can snort it
- inject it with HGH until it balloons to the size of a buoy and give it to Bob Ojeda for the next time he goes boating
- paint it black and send it to John Rocker for life-long torment
- strap it in shotgun with Tony LaRussa and wait for it to be crushed on a telephone pole

Weekly Poll Results

When asked what NFL announcer was the most annoying, Throwing Smoke Readers have spoken!

- 38.5% hate John Madden
- 15.4% are glad Dennis Miller is off of MNF;
- 15.4% wish the Gumbels would be taken off the air;
- 7.7% each cannot stand Tony Kornheiser or Joe Theismann;
- and finally, 15.4% hated all nominees.

Thanks to all of you who voted. Please vote in our new poll about OJ's first trial!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Longhorns enjoy prison food

Freshman running back James Henry has become the sixth Texas Longhorn player arrested since June, and has been charged with two felony counts of obstruction and tampering with evidence. Henry, who was arrested Monday, is accused of beating up one of the victims of a July home invasion that allegedly involved two other players, Andre Jones and Robert Joseph. Henry has been suspended indefinitely from the team.

It looks like the Longhorns gamble to use Bin Laden as their recruiter is paying off as they are breeding criminals like an Al Qaeda traning camp. But Cincy fans, things are looking up. The Bengals will soon have some new talent to join Houshmandzadeh.

Who're they doin'?

If someone can explain this match for us, we would love to hear it. Possibly Jeff Garcia sold his soul to Satan (not the NY Islanders forward) for this; but whatever he did, it is so worth it. Garcia's lovely bride, Carmella Decesare is a former Playmate of the year a former WWE Raw diva while he is a journeyman NFL player. That math doesn't work here.

Although Garcia is an average QB on the field, off of it, he definitely has game! Click here to see her pics in a little less clothing. And by less, I mean none.

Tanks in Texas

Defensive lineman Tank Johnson, who cannot suit up until the 2nd half of the season due to an eight-game NFL suspension, signed a two-year contract Tuesday with the Dallas Cowboys. Johnson won't be paid until he completes his eight-game NFL suspension for violating probation on a gun charge. He has served the first two games of that suspension and will still have to apply for reinstatement. After that, he will only make about $255,000 this season, the prorated portion of a minimum contract. "For a lot of reasons, he really just felt the Cowboys were the right fit," said Johnson's agent, Jerrold Colton. "He's so thankful to them for giving him this opportunity. He is very determined to prove they made a wise decision in believing in him."

The fit seems right for the Cowboys as well. There's no better way to keep T.O. on his best behaviour than having a 300 pound beast with a liking for beef-sticks guns around. Maybe they'll free up some cap space with this signing. Only instead if it giving them more money for free agents, the cap space will be found in the chamber of Tank's shotgun aimed at T.O.'s mouth.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

OJ gets Juiced

Thomas Riccio is a genius. Not only did he spring the trap on The Juice that Fred Goldman has been dreaming about, but he recorded the whole “burglary” on an audio cassette. In the audiotape released Monday by the celebrity news Web site, O.J. is heard shouting questions while other men yell orders to the people in the room during the botched robbery.

O.J. Simpson's standoff with men he accused of stealing his memorabilia begins with the ex-NFL star demanding, "Don't let nobody out of here. Think you can steal my s--- and sell it?"

One of the collectors in the hotel room, Bruce Fromong, said the meeting was set up as if the men were customers, but when they arrived, it was clear something else was going on. "The door burst open and they came in almost commando style, O.J. Simpson and some of his people, I guess you would call it, with guns drawn," Fromong told ABC's "Good Morning America" Monday. "O.J. at that time was saying, 'I want my stuff. I want my stuff.'

"The thing in my mind as soon as I saw him, I'm thinking, 'O.J., how can you be this dumb? You're in enough trouble.'"

The Juice busts into your hotel room with guns drawn and that’s the first thing you think of? Most people would be thinking about how their life was about to end. They don’t call it Getting OJ’d for nothing.

Another NHL outdoor game

In the worst kept secret of the month, the NHL officially announced that The Buffalo Sabres and the Pittsburgh Penguins will meet Jan. 1 in an outdoor game at Ralph Wilson Stadium, the home of the NFL's Bills. The game is expected to surpass the NHL single-game attendance record that was set in November 2003 when the Montreal Canadiens and the Edmonton Oilers drew 57,167 to The Heritage Classic at Edmonton's Commonwealth Stadium. Ralph Wilson has a capacity of more than 73,000.

73,000 rabid fans or not, January in Buffalo will be damn cold. For those not living this far north, let me put it into perspective for you. Mike Comrie will be kept warmer at nights from his virgin girlfriend.

Cats and Dogs

Bengals cornerback Deltha O'Neal's home was the scene of a dog attack last week. Emergency dispatchers got a 911 call for help from O'Neal's condominium. It was later learned that O'Neal had taken a woman and her 3-year-old son to the hospital after they had been bitten by a Rottweiler. O'Neal wasn't home when the attack happened, but he was called there afterward.

How can society be so blind? Darwin would have seen this one coming. You mix a little bit of Bengal with a dash of Vick and you start getting hybrid super criminals. God forbid this doesn't start happening with NBA players. The last thing we need is for our women to become violated, fat and diseased by a Kobe-Kemp-Magic Robo-slut.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Isiah's tough day in court

Knicks coach Isiah Thomas endured some tough testimony last week during his sexual harassment lawsuit brought by former Knicks Marketing VP, Browne Sanders.

Sanders said Thomas resisted her efforts to get players to turn out for corporate events scheduled long before he took over the team in December 2003. Bitch, I don't give a f--k about the sponsors ..." Browne Sanders testified Thomas told her. "I don't give a f--k about ticket sales." She also said Thomas rebuffed her March 2004 request that he sign renewal-request letters sent out to past season ticket holders. Claiming that Thomas said, “Bitch, I don't give a f--k about these white people.”

After a frustrating 2004 loss, she said Thomas grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into a room off the Garden floor and screamed at her for having scheduled player appearances at a corporate event the day before. "We're not going to do any more of these f-----g community events," Browne Sanders says Thomas screamed. "I'm here to win f-----g basketball games."

Mere months after that last incident Sanders said that Thomas professed his love for her. "I figured it out when we played horse," she said Thomas told her after a 2004 Knicks victory over the Minnesota Timberwolves. "I'm in love with you. It's like the movie 'Love and Basketball.'" Browne Sanders, whose husband was not in the courtroom, said she felt uncomfortable and ended the conversation.

So this proves what we’ve known all along, that Isiah Thomas is nuts. Not Ron Artest nuts, but more like Jekyll and Hyde. Only instead of drinking a magic potion and turning into a green blood thirsty maniac, the taste of on-court defeat transforms him into a sex-crazed white-hating bigot.

NFL Haiku Recap - Week 2

Houston wins again,
Beat the Panthers by 13.
Can they be for real?


Palmer 6 TD's,
Anderson tosses for 5,
Chad jumps in Dawg Pound

High octane shoot out
Browns 51-45
Who saw this coming?


Pack kill the Giants
Favres now winningest QB
Old man still has it.


Indy wins again
Manning beats Vince Young
And can count to ten


San Fran has 2 wins
Gave St. Louis their loss 2
Gore won it for mom


Steelers ate the Bills
Buffalo's offense sucks ass
Everett moves better


Saints are Oh and 2
Bush has another bad game
Sink like their city


Lion's victory
Now gives them their second win
Maybe win 10 games?


Hester's great return
Covers up Grossman's bad play.
Time to start Griese.


Denver barely wins
This time against the Raiders
Will lose to real team


Pats crush the Chargers.
What this loss taught us was that
SD should change signs

OJ arrested.....again!

You may have heard last week that OJ was being investigate for robbery in Las Vegas. O.J. Simpson has now been arrested Sunday and faces multiple felony charges in an alleged armed robbery of collectors involving the former football great's sports memorabilia, authorities said. Simpson was arrested shortly after 11 a.m., Capt. James Dillon said. The charges against Simpson will include robbery with a deadly weapon, conspiracy to commit robbery and burglary with a firearm, all felonies, Dillon said. More charges could be brought against him, he said.

Simpson, 60, has said he and other people with him were retrieving items that belonged to him. Simpson has said there were no guns involved and that he went to the room at the casino only to get stolen mementos that included his Hall of Fame certificate and a picture of the running back with J. Edgar Hoover.

It is too bad this arrest went down without a police chase. When I flipped on the news today, I was hoping to see a white Bronco speeding out of SinCity followed by a dozen cop cars. Then when OJ and Cowlings crossed the Hoover Dam, OJ jumps off and parachutes down to a waiting boat ready to jet him away to safety, with goods in hand. Where's Johnnie Cochran when you need him?

Tiger loves to win

Tiger Woods captured the Tour Championship in record-setting fashion, closing with a 4-under 66 for an eight-shot victory at East Lake and his seventh title of the season. Along with winning the Tour Championship and its $1.26 million prize, Woods was a runaway winner of the FedEx Cup and the $10 million that goes into his already full bank account. The FedEx Cup was a points race that began in January, with the points reset after the majors for a four-week stretch of the PGA Tour Playoffs.

Just what Tiger desires; more money after he signed a $100 million deal with Gatorade this week. The FedEx Cup's $10 million is as useful to him as another lump on Paul Azinger.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Throwing Smoke Flashback - Vintage Harry Caray

With the Cubs in a tight pennant race, what better way to celebrate the run for playoff's post season when with classid tanked Harry Caray clips? CUBS WIN, CUBS WIN!

Booze, baseball and babes. That's living!

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Poet's Corner

$250,000 fine for the Pats,

An additional $500,000 for Bill Belichick the rat,

Along with these fines,

Will also lose a draft pick for taping signs,

Should asterisk their titles for that.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Oden is already breaking down

Greg Oden's rookie season with the Portland Trail Blazers ended before it began when he had knee surgery on Thursday. The top pick in the June draft went in for an exploratory procedure on his right knee and ended up having microfracture surgery, which means he will sit out the season. Dr. Don Roberts performed the surgery to repair the damage, which Pritchard described as the size of a fingertip. Oden is expected to be on crutches for up to eight weeks. Full recovery likely will take six to 12 months, the team said.

Greg looked at me as he was coming out of his surgery, and he and his mom Zoe probably said 'sorry' 20 times," Blazers general manager Kevin Pritchard said. "I could feel the weight of the world on his shoulders. And as a leader and as leaders of this organization, my first thought was how lucky we were to have a guy that cares about the organization that much."

If Oden cared so much about the TrailBlazers, he would have warned them before the draft that he was really 54 years old. One hard foul from Ben Wallace and he'll end up with a broken hip. At least this injury will keep him away from his teammates and out of jail; and allow him to tell the airport security that his marijuana is for medicinal purposes.

Pacman's a chump champ

Pacman Jones teamed up with Ron "The Truth" Killings in TNA Wrestling's "No Surrender" pay-per-view Sunday night against Kurt Angle and Sting and came out of the event as half the tag-team champion team. The suspended Tennessee cornerback has a legal agreement with the Titans to avoid any physical move that could leave him injured. So Jones left the dirty work to his tag team partner. Jones twice refused to tag in and join the staged match. The turning point came when Angle's wife appeared ringside, refused to leave and then slapped Sting. She went down as if hit when the wrestler pointed for her to leave, and her husband came over to investigate. By the time Jones finally tagged in and got into the ring, Killings put a move on Sting that allowed Jones to cover the wrestler for the victory.

We haven't seen a football player ride the coattails of a teammate this much since Drew Bledsoe hopped on Tom Brady's back in Superbowl XXXVI.

Dukes is still nucking futs

For the second time in two months, the estranged wife of Elijah Dukes has filed a motion asking a judge to hold the inactive Devil Rays outfielder in contempt of court for not paying child support and alimony. According to a complaint filed in court NiShea Gilbert, separated from Dukes since April, claims he hasn't paid the court-ordered temporary monthly payments of $2,800 in child support and $3,300 in alimony that were due on Sept. 1. Gilbert also said the payments she received on Aug. 10 were half as much as the court-ordered amount. "He thinks he's above the law," Gilbert said. "I don't know what to say about him.

If OJ is a 10 on the wife abuse scale, then Dukes has raised his game to a 9.8. And it'll be so easy for him to get to 10, now that the Juice has published a manual on how to do it.

McLaren Cheats

Espionage is on the sports menu of late. In a Patriot-esque move, The McLaren F1 racing team was fined $100 million and stripped of its points in the constructors' standings Thursday in the spying scandal that has rocked this racing league. McLaren, which leads the current drivers' and constructors' standings, was punished by the World Motor Sports Council for allegedly using leaked secret technical documents belonging to F1 rival Ferrari. The case broke open in July when a 780-page technical dossier on Ferrari cars was found at the home of McLaren's chief designer, Mike Coughlan, who later was suspended. Ferrari mechanic Nigel Stepney, who allegedly supplied the documents, was fired.

"Ferrari is satisfied that the truth has now emerged," the Italian team said in a statement. Team drivers Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso, currently 1-2 in the championship standings, were not punished and can continue to compete for the season title.

With major embarrassing scandals in baseball, basketball, football and now auto racing, that only leaves hockey to ruin their sport and alienate their fans. That is if you don't already count the Toronto Maple Leafs as succeeding at that.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Everett may walk again

In the feel good news of the week, the doctor who performed the spinal surgery on Buffalo Bills tight end Kevin Everett said that he has voluntary movement of his arms and legs and as a result he is optimistic that Everett will walk again. Although his NFL career is most likely finished.

For those keeping score at home, this now moves him ahead of Lyle Alzado on the mobility chart. And removes any chance he had of scoring a huge spokesman contract with Gridiron Heroes. He'll be back flipping burgers in no time.

Hockey players are drunks

This past week saw a couple NHL players given sentences for drunk driving.

Toronto Maple Leafs left wing Mark Bell was suspended indefinitely without pay after being placed into the National Hockey League's substance abuse programme on Tuesday. Last week, Bell pleaded no contest to drunk driving with injury and hit-and-run charges. He will also serve six months in a California jail at the end of the season. The punishment stems from Bell's actions last September when he was a member of the San Jose Sharks. Bell hit a car from behind at an intersection, causing one person to suffer minor cuts and bruises. After the collision, Bell reportedly exited his car and walked to a nearby curb, where he was arrested after being found sitting down. The NHL has just suspended him for the first 15 games of this season.

Jay Bouwmeester of the Florida Panthers pleaded guilty Tuesday to impaired driving and was fined $1,000. Bouwmeester was arrested Aug. 12, 2006, after driving erratically on Edmonton's south side around 4 a.m. An off-duty officer said he had to swerve to avoid getting hit by Bouwmeester's car and later saw the player make an illegal U-Turn across two lanes of traffic. When pulled over, court heard, the former Medicine Hat Tigers star told the officer he knew he was drunk.

Jay and Mark are good NHL players, but they still have a long way to go to be compared to some of the games greats like Kevin Stevens. They can't be mentioned in the same breath as him until they have a few Cup rings to their name. Or have shot blow off a hooker.

Three-legged athlete almost dies

One of our favourite "athletes" at the Smoke tried to take its life recently. Runner Santhi Soundarajan, who was stripped of a silver medal at the Doha Asian Games last year after failing a gender test, attempted suicide last week. Family sources said that Santhi had consumed pesticide when she was undergoing physical training at Pudukottai. Police said Santhi was driven by "lack of recognition" and controversies surrounding her gender after having to give back the women's 800m silver, which also resulted in "unemployment and lack of support from the government".

I can solve her problem. 1. The lack of recognition has to do with the fact you live in a country of 1 Billion people. 2. To solve the controversy, do what every other amateur athlete does when their career is fading. Appear in "PlayIt."

Weekly Poll Results

When Throwing Smoke readers were asked how the Colts would do this year, they responded with:

- 60% think they will lose in the AFC title game
- 10% thought they would repeat as champs
- 10% also thought they will make the playoffs but exit early,
- while 20% of our readers hate football and don't care.

Thanks to all of you who voted. Please vote in our new poll about the most hated football broadcaster of this decade.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Alt is the ultimate puck bunny

Former supermodel Carol Alt, who has been connected to hockey players such as ex-New York Ranger Ron Greschner, and current boyfriend Alexi Yashin, was seen with a new boy toy this week. Alt was spotted backstage in the W downtown lounge with current stud Blueshirt goaltender Henrik Lundqvist.

With Yashin no longer in the NHL and back home in Russia, you can't blame Alt for not wanting to following him to Siberia. Saggy box aside, she is hockey's version of Alyssa Milano. Only without the herpes.

Another Pacer arrested

Another Pacer has landed in legal hot water on Tuesday with the arrest of forward Shawne Williams. Williams, the Pacers' first-round draft pick last year, was charged with possession of marijuana, driving without a license, driving with an expired license plate and failure to signal a lane change.

Williams was driving an SUV, which was carrying two other men, when it was pulled over for changing lanes without signaling. When Williams rolled down the driver's side window, the officer detected a strong odor of marijuana, while another officer later found a smoldering cigar-sized marijuana cigarette in the vehicle's ash tray.

Like any good posse should do, Williams' front seat passenger said the marijuana was his while Williams denied knowledge of the marijuana even being in his car. The cops said that Williams had no driver's license and instead handed the officer a Tennessee identification card. He said the SUV's license plate had expired in July. The SUV's back seat passenger was arrested on charges of carrying a gun without a license and theft, as the 9 mm handgun had been reported preciously stolen.

Pacers president Larry Bird quickly declared that the team was "extremely disappointed" by Williams' arrest, the third time in less than a year that players have been charged by police.

Call me naive, but playing in Indiana where white boys and corn fields rule, what else is there for a brotha to do other than tangle with the law? With the Pacers history of dealing guys with legal trouble (mascot excluded), it is only a matter of time before Williams is shipped off to the West coast to join Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson. With the NBA draft only 2 rounds long, they're going to run out of players at this rate. I hope Bird has Big Country's number in his roladex.