On his professional breakthrough being responsible for golf's technology boom: "I guess it's all my fault, huh?"
On how rail-thin Charles Howell III has changed since he first met him: "He's probably put on 1.5 pounds."
On Atlanta Braves pitcher John Smoltz, from whom (along with Jeff Francoeur and Adam LaRoche) Tiger won some money on the golf course recently: "He's my ATM."
And how retarded do you have to be to play golf against Tiger Woods for money? This is as stupid as getting into a gluttony contest with John Daly and being surprised when you have to have your stomach pumped later that night