Wimbledon is so posh,
Thursday kicked off another Canadian Football League season. A pair of missed field goals in overtime led to a rare 39-39 tie between the Edmonton Eskimos and the Winnipeg Blue Bombers. While Joe Smith's two third-quarter touchdowns rallied the Grey Cup-champion B.C. Lions to a 24-22 win over the Toronto Argonauts.
The Portland Jailblazers have made Greg Oden and his sexy moustache the first pick in this year’s NBA draft. Oden has officially punched his ticket to poon land. He’ll have no problem convincing the 
Former major league outfielder Mel Hall has been charged with sexually assaulting two girls in 1998 and 1999 when he was coaching them on a select basketball team. The 46-year-old Hall was released from jail Friday on $35,000 bail. He was arrested the previous day on charges of sexual assault of a child under 17 and aggravated sexual assault of a child under 14, police said Saturday. The second charge carries a possible life sentence because of the age of the alleged victim. When Hall was arrested, there was also an unrelated outstanding warrant on a theft charge, police said.
Rod "Shooter" Beck, an All-Star relief pitcher who earned 286 career saves, was found dead in his home Saturday. He was 38. He is best known for his bushy mustache and a deadly stare that intimidated batters throughout his 13-year career. Beck was discovered by police officers responding to a call to his home in suburban Phoenix, police department spokesman Andy Hill said Sunday. Foul play is not suspected, though the cause of death might not be known for several days.
China's All Star NBA centre Yao Ming will wed his teenage sweetheart in August, after an eight-year courtship, state press reported Monday. The 7 foot 6 centre first met Ye Li in 1999 when he was playing for the Shanghai Sharks men's team and the 6 foot 3 Ye was with the club's women's team.
Tennesse Titans QB Vince Young spoke out regarding the arrest of teammate Pacman Jones. "We love him a whole lot, but we feel like he don't care about us right now. He's got to stay out of trouble and watch his back out there," Young said.
As if anyone was surprised by this, after only being out of jail for four weeks, Chicago Bears defensive tackle Tank Johnson was arrested by police. At this point I could tell you that he held up a Motel 6 or shot up a 7-11 and you wouldn’t even flinch, so it was quite anticlimactic to read that Tank was pulled over for speeding in Arizona early last Friday morning. Police suspected that he was drunk so they arrested him and drew blood to determine whether he was over the limit.
Well-known Brazilian lineswoman Ana Paula Oliveira, a 29-year-old brunette who also campaigns for women's rights, signed a contract with Playboy this week and will appear in its July edition. She was in hot water with the Brazil soccer federation and banned for three games last month for mistakenly disallowing at least one goal during a Copa Brasil match in May, and has not been called up for any top league matches since. Local media estimate the deal would earn her nearly $250,000.
Miami Dolphins defensive tackle Fred Evans was arrested early Saturday after he refused to leave a taxi on South Beach and then fought with officers, police said. Police twice used a Taser gun on Evans, according to the arrest report, in attempts to subdue the 6-foot-4, 305-pound player. Officers said they asked Evans to leave the taxi and, after he refused, they attempted to put him in handcuffs. He allegedly resisted, leading to the scuffle. Evans was charged with multiple counts of battery on a law enforcement officer and resisting with violence, along with single counts of disorderly intoxication and trespassing. One officer was allegedly bitten on the wrist and a female officer sustained scrapes on her left knee.
Baltimore Orioles SS Miguel Tejada was placed on the 15-day disabled list Friday with a broken left wrist, ending his streak of consecutive games played at 1,152, the fifth-longest in big league history. He was still 1480 games behind Cal Ripken's record. ''I think this is better for me and for the team to have somebody in there who can help the team,'' Tejada said before the Orioles played at Arizona on Friday night. ''Right now, I can't help the team.''
There once was a bike tour in France
PGA commissioner Tim Finchem is calling on golf to come up with a universal policy to test for performance-enhancing drugs. "Golf needs to move together on a global basis," he said Wednesday. Last November, the PGA's board authorized the tour to develop a list of prohibited substances and to create an education program that would inform players about how they might get into the body, the health risks, the nature of any potential testing and possible penalties.
Juan Uribe is out of legal trouble in the Dominican Republic, but the White Sox shortstop told reporters that he didn't pay off his accuser to get the charges dropped. The Associated Press, citing an anonymous source, reported that Uribe paid $25,500 to settle the case. "I don't pay nobody," Uribe responded. "That's why it took a long time. Pay $25,000? Hell no." A Dominican farmer claimed that Uribe shot him on Oct. 13 when he walked too close to Uribe's jeep following an argument. "The complainant dropped the charges and recognized that Juan was not involved in the incident," lawyer Maria Luisa Guzman told The Associated Press on Monday.
Ultimate fighting pioneer Royce Gracie tested positive for a steroid after winning a fight earlier this month and could face a year's suspension, the head of the California Athletic Commission said Friday. The 40-year-old Gracie tested positive for a nandrolone metabolite steroid after beating Kazushi Sakuraba in a June 2 match. His A and B samples showed levels of over 50 for Nandrolone. A normal person registers a 2 and an athlete can go up to 6 on the register of the anabolic steroid Nandrolone.
If you guessed 216 days between arrests then you’ve won the Pacman Jones Las Vegas jackpot. Vegas authorities have finally issued an arrest warrant for everyone’s favorite CB Adam “Pacman” Jones. Surprisingly enough, it turns out that even in Sin City you can’t smack around broads and get away with it. Pacman is facing two felony counts that could result in a maximum of 12 years in the slammer. The Las Vegas district attorney said that, “[Pacman and his accomplices will] be given a reasonable amount of time to turn themselves in, and if they don’t, police will go looking for them."
Last night, Sammy Sosa became the 5th player in major league history to hit 600 career dingers, corked bats and all. After driving a 1-2 pitch to right-centre for a solo shot in the fifth inning of Texas' 7-3 victory, Slammin' Sammy bounced out of the batter's box with his trademark hop and thrust his right fist into the air before reaching first base. He was mobbed at home plate by his teammates while the scoreboard showed pictures of all five members of the elite club: Hank Aaron, Barry Bonds, Babe Ruth, Willie Mays and Sosa. "It was something that cannot be explained," Sosa said. "Getting my 600th against the Chicago Cubs, and my first team (was) the Texas Rangers. It's liked everything clicked. My emotions, I don't know what they are." 
Former NBA All-Star Vin Baker, whose 14-year career was marred by bouts of depression and alcoholism, was charged early Tuesday with drunken driving after leaving a casino. The 35-year-old Baker was spotted driving erratically after leaving Foxwoods Resort Casino, according to a state police report. He failed a sobriety test and was charged with driving while impaired.
Former Arizona State running back Loren Wade was convicted this month of second-degree murder in the slaying of another ex-Sun Devils football player, who was shot outside a Scottsdale nightclub on March 26, 2005. Prosecutors claimed Falkner, 25, was shot because Wade, 23, saw him talking to his girlfriend. During the more than four-week trial, Deputy Maricopa County Attorney Juan Martinez told jurors that Falkner's death was premeditated murder -- saying Wade first pistol-whipped Falkner, then cocked the gun and fired while Falkner sat in the driver's seat of his car. Defense attorney Ulises Ferragut said Wade only intended to punch Falkner with the gun in his hand and it went off unintentionally. Wade now faces a maximum of 22 years in prison and a tryout with the Bengals.
Less than 24 hours after Tiger Woods finished second at the U.S. Open on Father's Day, his gorgeous Swedish wife gave birth to their first child, a daughter. He announced Monday night on his Web site that Sam Alexis Woods was born early Monday morning. Both Elin and Sam are doing well and resting peacefully," Woods wrote. "We want to thank our doctors and the hospital staff for all their dedicated and hard work. This is truly a special time in our lives and we look forward to introducing Sam to our family and friends over the next few weeks. We thank everyone for their well wishes and continued respect of our privacy."The fact that Tennis star Mark Philippoussis is appearing on NBC's reality TV show 'Age of Love' ala Jesse Palmer in an attempt to get laid find true love can only mean one thing: 2 inches.
So much for Ralph Goodell trying to stop Bengals from, well, being the Bengals. Running back Quincy Wilson was arrested for disorderly conduct during a wedding party celebration at a nightclub. Police say members of the wedding party refused to leave the area of the nightclub after officers ordered the crowd to disperse. The police report says it was important to get the crowd to leave that area because of a shots fired nearby and a stabbing that happened a week earlier.
Free-agent linebacker LaVar Arrington was seriously injured in a motorcycle accident in the Washington, D.C., area. Arrington suffered a broken bone in his arm, three broken bones in his leg, cuts and bruises. The injuries do not appear to be life-threatening. Arrington, a former Pro Bowl linebacker for the Washington Redskins, is not currently under contract to any team. The 28-year-old was still rehabbing an Achilles tendon tear that cut short his 2006 season with the New York Giants.
Suspended NFL player Adam "Pacman" Jones was being sought by police for questioning about a shooting early Monday involving members of his entourage after a fight at an Atlanta strip club. Jones, his group and three other people got into a fight, apparently over a woman, at a club around 4 a.m., officer Ariel Toledo said. After everyone involved left the strip club -- the three people in one car, and Jones and his entourage in three other cars -- someone in Jones' group shot at the car, and the others returned fire, Toledo said. "We believe he knows some of his entourage who were involved in the shooting," Toledo said. "On himself, we do not have any charges on him. He wasn't there when the shooting occurred." I've got to sit down with him and sit down with the police and figure out what we're looking at or if in fact he can even help them," Manny Arora said, Jones' attorney. "Once we agree to do that, I will do it very privately and we'll take care of it."
Green Bay Packers linebacker Nick Barnett was arrested early Sunday after a disturbance at a nightclub. Police said in a statement that Barnett was taken into custody for battery after allegedly being involved in a physical altercation about 2 a.m. at the Wet. In a statement the team said, "We are aware of the incident in Appleton involving Nick Barnett. The Packers organization is going to defer further comment until we have had a chance to speak with Nick and gather more facts."
On Sunday, Carl Edwards finally broke his 52 race drought, by winning Nascar's Nextel Cup race at Michigan International Raceway. This also ends a long ordeal for Edwards's childhood friend Tom Giacchi. Giaccih made a bet with Edwards in November 2005 that he wouldn't shave until Edwards won again. As Carl was coming off consecutive victories at Atlanta and Texas, it didn't seem like much of a bet. "At home a couple of times, I'd be in a Dairy Queen and Amish people would come in and they had huge beards also. I was like, 'Yeah, my brothers! I can work with them all day," joked Giacchi.
NFL rookie LaRon Landry was unable to practice when the Washington Redskins opened their minicamp Friday due to a paintball shot in the groin. The No. 6 overall pick in this year's draft was injured during a team-building outing Wednesday. "I didn't know paintball was that dangerous," linebacker Marcus Washington said. "I hope it wasn't friendly fire."I am not sure what is with Chicago of late, but the Cubs got into yet another fight this month; this time with the other team. After Chris Young goes high on Chicago's star Derek Lee, all hell breaks loose. The Cubs went on to lose this game 1-0 after a 9th inning dinger by Russell Branyan. When Chicago can't win by throwing baseballs, throwing fists is the only way they can leave the field feeling masculine. But desperate times call for desperate measures. Roll in the buffet and the large ladies for some slump busting.
Former NFL and Michigan State receiver Andre Rison faces court-ordered bankruptcy to pay for more than $100,000 in back child support and legal fees. A courtroom deputy for U.S. Bankruptcy Court in Flint, said an order was entered June 6 to put Rison into Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Rison's ex-wife, Tonja Rison, is listed as one of the creditors. Her claim is for more than $58,000 in child support. An Atlanta law office is claiming another $46,000 in unpaid legal fees after defending Rison in another child support case with involving an ex-girlfriend.
Yet again, the USGA made a mockery of its tournament this past weekend. Angel Cabrera was the winner at 5 over par, beating Tiger Woods by a stroke. There were only 8 sub-par rounds in the entire tournament, with Cabrera having 2 of them.
After the Diamondbacks were swept by the Yankees last week, they left their scouting report behind in the dugout by accident. It was found an an AP writer. Some of the excerpts were:
Throwing Smoke readers have weighed in on the Barry Bonds saga. The final results are: What better way to celebrate Father's Day then with this week's treat - Amanda Beard? Here is her appearence on the David Letterman show to promote her Playboy spread. I am just glad her photos can't talk.
In one of the most lopsided NBA finals in history, the San Antonio Spurs polished off the Cleveland Cavaliers with an 83-82 win, for a 4 game sweep. The Cavs seemed out matched in each game, with Lebron James being hot and cold throughout the series.
Coming up with an even more ridiculous excuse than Floyd Landis for a positive test, the six-time paraplegic world champion Jeff Adams says an unknown woman stuffed cocaine into his mouth as he sat beside her on a sofa in the Toronto goth bar Vatikan. Adams said that bizarre scenario led to his positive doping test for cocaine at a race a week later in Ottawa. The six-time world champion from Brampton has been suspended for two years and stripped of his government funding in a decision released yesterday by the Canadian Centre for Ethics in Sport.
Within the last week, NBA sex offender Ruben Patterson and former NBA player Byron Houston where charged with additional sexual based offenses. Houston was arrested Wednesday on counts of indecent exposure, engaging in a lewd act and driving with a cancelled license. A woman called police around 5:45 p.m. Wednesday to report that a man was masturbating at an intersection in northwestern Oklahoma City, police Master Sgt. Gary Knight said. Officers found Houston in the driver's seat of a vehicle with his underwear on the floorboard. 
In Patterson's case, he pleaded no contest last week for failing to register as a convicted sex offender after he moved into a new neighbourhood. In 2001, when Patterson played for the Portland Trail Blazers, he entered a modified guilty plea in Washington state to third-degree attempted rape for allegedly forcing his children's nanny to perform a sex act on him.
At last night's NHL awards, 19 year old phenom Sidney Crosby took home 3 trophies, including the league's most valuable player award. "There's something above and beyond this I want to achieve but these are great honours," Crosby said.
Former NFL journeyman DL Bob Buczkowski pleaded guilty to helping run a million-dollar prostitution ring with his girlfriend out of his parents' suburban home. Buczkowski pleaded guilty this week to two counts of promoting prostitution, six counts of possessing and dealing cocaine and other charges. State prosecutors said Buczkowski was the muscle in the operation while his girlfriend was the madam.
Throwing Smoke favorite Pacman Jones has dropped his appeal of a yearlong suspension Tuesday, pledging to repair an image that saw the Tennessee Titans cornerback's picture plastered in post offices across the country.
John Daly's wife is saying that he assaulted her and then covered up the incident by scratching his own face and claiming she attacked him. Sherrie Daly says her husband was drinking heavily last Thursday, the night before he called police, and "spun out of control," verbally assaulting a security guard and breaking the security gate at their home. Sherrie Daly said in the court filing that she was awoken that night by her husband making sexually offensive gestures and remarks before sexually assaulting her, causing unspecified injuries. She then called 911 and took their two sons to a neighbor's house.
A stripper is claiming she was inappropriately touched by Detroit Lions defensive tackle Shaun Rogers. The complaint was made to authorities early Friday by the woman, who dances at a club on Detroit's west side. Police have submitted a criminal sexual conduct warrant request to the prosecutor's office, but Miller said charges were not expected to be filed Monday. The Detroit police sex crimes unit also was investigating the complaint.
Already serving an 8-game suspension from the NFL, Bengals' wide-receiver Chris Henry is accused of breaking the law again. It has been reported that that Florence police interviewed Henry, along with Bengal Reggie McNeal on Tuesday. The two players may have been involved in assaulting a 16-year-old boy. Chris Henry, along with a few others, beat the 16-year-old so severely that he had to be treated at the hospital for his injuries. Police say the 16-year-old and an 18-year-old friend were walking near their home just after 11 p.m. Friday night when, they say a black Navigator or Escalade pulled up next to them. According to the police report, a white male jumped out and started punching the 16-year-old in the face. "From that, the victim tells us another gentleman got out of the same vehicle and in their attempt to get away, was shoved to the ground by this African American gentleman." The teen identified that man as Bengals receiver Chris Henry. The teen also alleges that they were throwing beer bottles at him as he tried to run away.Chad Johnson raced a horse on Saturday, in a charity event, and won easily. The Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver was waiting at the finish line when Restore the Roar arrived at the end of his one-eighth-mile gallop. Johnson was spotted a 100-meter lead -- roughly about half the distance the horse had to cover in the race. And when it was over, Johnson, as usual, was anything but humble, "Floyd Mayweather, you're next," Johnson said. "I want to fight you. I'd like to take Kobe and LeBron one-on-one. Jeff Gordon, we can take a couple laps. ... Now it's my time to take over the race world."
Big deal, Ocho Cinco can outrun a horse. I don't find that impressive considering I am hung like one. Just call me the human tripod.
With the Seattle Mariners having to go to Cleveland this week to make up a game that was snowed out in April, Ichiro shared his thoughts about the city: "To tell the truth, I'm not excited to go to Cleveland, but we have to," Ichiro said through an interpreter. "If I ever saw myself saying I'm excited going to Cleveland, I'd punch myself in the face, because I'm lying."
During Saturday night's contest between the Toronto Blue Jays and the Los Angeles Dodgers, a security guard attempted to confiscate a Canadian flag from a fan. That provoked an angry confrontation with about 100 local expats attending the game. As Canadian Lee Fraser showed his national pride during the sixth inning, a single security staffer demanded he hand over his Maple Leaf. When Fraser refused, the guard found himself facing a patch of angry Canadians. "The whole crew went crazy," Fraser said. "They sent down three or four security guards, the LAPD. Because, you know, Canadians are such a big threat."
John Daly told authorities his wife tried stab him with a steak knife, and the golfer had red marks on his cheeks when he showed up to play Friday on the course where he lives.Daly called police about 6 a.m. on Friday, Shelby County Sheriff's department spokesman Steve Shular said. When deputies arrived, wife Sherrie and the couple's children were not there. The 41-year-old golfer and his wife argued last night at a restaurant near the golf course, he told deputies. Authorities could not find the knife he claimed she used.
Denver Nuggets reserve forward DerMarr Johnson was charged with resisting arrest and interfering with police during a disturbance outside a nightclub. Police said they used a taser to "calm" the 6-foot-9 player. "He apparently would not cooperate," police Lt. Randy Corbitt said. Johnson and two women were arrested, booked and released early Saturday. The women were charged with disturbing the peace. Johnson's lawyer said his client was breaking up a fight between the two women, "we are confident when all the facts come out it will be clear that DerMarr is innocent and did nothing wrong."
Former heavyweight champion Tommy "the Aids" Morrison won his MMA debut Saturday night. Fighting in a cage on a clear night in the desert, Morrison knocked out John Stover (7-2) at 2:08 of the first round. Boos rained down as a panting Morrison raised his hand after breaking Stover's nose with a straight right.
After becoming the first black driver in F1 history this year, Lewis Hamilton also became the first coloured driver to win an F1 race during Sunday's Canadian Grand Prix. Before the race, Hamilton said "I feel fantastic, I've never felt so good, so I'm looking forward to the race," When asked about whether that feeling included other pleasures away from the track, he added: "It's completely different, but, you know what, it is better than sex."
Throwing Smoke readers have spoken; the hottest Russian tennis player is Anna Kournikova! The final results are:
