Daly misses the cut

John Daly told authorities his wife tried stab him with a steak knife, and the golfer had red marks on his cheeks when he showed up to play Friday on the course where he lives.Daly called police about 6 a.m. on Friday, Shelby County Sheriff's department spokesman Steve Shular said. When deputies arrived, wife Sherrie and the couple's children were not there. The 41-year-old golfer and his wife argued last night at a restaurant near the golf course, he told deputies. Authorities could not find the knife he claimed she used.

He did not speak with reporters, but issued a statement saying he was the "victim of an assault by my wife." "I filed a complaint with the Shelby County Sheriff's Office. They are investigating, and I'll have no further comment on the matter while they pursue their investigation. My only concern at this point is for the safety of my children and myself."

Sure, Daly is a fat lazy sloth, but how drunk slow do you have to be to endure multiple knife slashes to the face before laying out your old woman with a backhander? And seriously, given his large collection of empty JD bottles, I didn't even realize Daly had room in his Winnebago for a wife, little lone two kids. I'm sure this whole incident spiraled out of control once they closed down the buffet at Denny's. And he ended up having to fight his wife for the last piece of roast beef.