Tonya Harding loses it

Clark County sheriff's deputies responded to two calls last Sunday involving Tonya Harding, who was described in police reports as "very agitated" and "tweaking out." S gt. Tim Bieber told The Oregonian that police received the first call at 4:56 a.m. According to a police report of the incident, Harding said four men and a woman tried to break into her car and steal it and were trying to stash rifles on the side of her property. Later the same morning, about 9 a.m., police received another call regarding Harding, this time from a friend who told authorities the skater was "tweaking out, seeing animals." Tanya told police she was on "new medication" and was experiencing an adverse reaction. In his report, the deputy wrote that Harding's account was a "very implausible story." He described her as "very agitated" and "glancing everywhere." He noted that the former star skater was "frustrated others can't see the people she sees."

Harding's rap sheet is as impressive as Pacman Jones'. Already on her resume was clubbing Nancy Kerrigan, making drunk homemade porn, driving a pick-up into ditch then serving 10 days for failing a field sobriety test, and tossing a hubcap at her yokel boyfriend. If these two were to ever mate, we would see the birth of uber-psycho 'Mulatto-man', who has the ability to hold up a liquor store while performing a triple axel.