Jack-off hits his 500th jack

On Saturday, Alex Rodriguez hit career home run No. 500 as the New York Yankees downed the Kansas City Royals. Rodriguez, who turned 32 on July 27, surpassed Jimmie Foxx (32 years, 338 days) as the youngest player to reach 500 career home runs. Rodriguez smacked the first pitch he saw from Kyle Davies over the left field wall for his 36th home run of the season and became the 22nd player in MLB history to reach the 500 home run mark.

A-Rod's teams haven't won a thing during the impressive start to his career. The individual achievement is all good, but without a World Series ring it means crap considering he is a bitch. And by bitch I mean cancer. And by cancer I mean I'd rather have what's left of Darryl Strawberry's colon batting clean-up.