Wells to give up boozing

After a lifetime of boozing and fast food, Padres pitcher David Wells announced yesterday that he has recently been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. "Obviously, this is a concern," the left-hander told a San Diego newspaper. "But it's beatable. And I'm going to beat it. It's going to take some lifestyle changes. And I'm already making them. From the time I found out, I made changes. No more starches and sugar. No more rice, pasta, potatoes and white bread. No more fast food. I've cut out alcohol."

I almost spit out my coffee from laughing so hard when I read this. On the scale of most ironic things to ever happen to an athlete this ranks right up there with Greg Louganis announcing he’s HIV positive. I’m pretty sure that Wells’ disease is the result of his food orgy in Africa last November. The only thing funnier would have been if he had caught AIDS after devouring a wild chimpanzee.